My boo isn't your play thing

I live in a part of the country where we're still cultured and conservative to an extent. A friend was fuming the other day because her friend calls her hubby, who is way older than both of them, by his first name.

Call me bush but I very much agree with her. This is a man whose youngest sibling can birth the wife. It's this same man you choose to call Dayo. Just like that? You don't have to call him Uncle, which may sound funny. I'm sure there's always a substitute. Someone calls her friends' men "sweetheart/oko ore mi." I don't have energy for wahala or anyone misinterpreting so I use "Mr" in an unawkward way.

Even if you're older than your friend's hubby or serious bobo, you show love for their relationship by respecting the guy. You respected her dad? He is almost in charge of her now. Don't you see your friend honouring her man? This is one of the reasons you shouldn't bad mouth or treat your man poorly. Stop sharing his flaws with your bestie. Why isn't your man your bestie though?

You can't be friends with hubby and i. You can not be calling or texting him. Why is he on your bbm again? Need to reach him? You should be going through me. I'm not saying he shouldn't have female friends. I'm saying the female friend isn't you. I honestly don't see the need to call to say hello or both of you chatting on social networks? Are you planning a surprise for me? Else, I should be the middle man. It's not that I don't trust you but if you don't respect my relationship and man, you aren't my friend afterall.

The girls' that put their bobos down to be buying sharwama and taking their friends out ehn. All those "Dayo, won't you take me out?" Imagine your mom's friend saying that to your dad. Are we not on our way there? Don't bring stories that touch about how they talk to your boo anyhow, table his matter, turned him into their maga or how they are loving up now. You exposed him and his flaws to them.

Again I say it's not trust issues. It's preventing the principle of see finish, familiarity breeds contempt. Don't wait till you're married before you start treating him/her, like a special part of you. Don't forget how majority see you treat him/talk about her is how they treat him. Thanks for reading my opinion again blogheart. Got a differing one? Let's hear it. Love love, Anuoluwapo.

Anuchef: Ofada (ayamase) sauce

I hope you've missed Anuchef. I'm here with ofada sauce (ayamase) as promised. I don't know if it's the same or similar to the designer stew served at events. I do know how to make it and I'll show you a method now.

INGREDIENTS
8 pieces unripe bell peppers (green tatashe)
5 pieces unripe bonnet peppers (ata rodo)
Ponmo
Shaki (tripe)
Locust beans (iru)
Palm oil
2 bulbs onions
Crayfish (blended)
Seasoning
Water/stock

PROCEDURE

• Boil your ponmo and shaki. Parboil the ponmo to remove it's smell.
• Deseed the tatashe.
• Blend the tatashe, ata rodo and an onion bulb using as little water as possible.
• Boil or sieve the pepper to remove water
• Add a quarter of an onion bulb to the palm oil. Leave the pot covered while you bleach for about 10 minutes. The onion would be burnt when you're done but it would have flavoured the oil. It should be light yellow if you didn't add the onion and black if you did. The aroma should have started making your neighbours restless by now.
• Leave the oil to cool before you open the pot and remove the burnt onions.
• Put the oil back on fire. Add the onions and locust beans when it's hot and allow to cook.
• Add the ponmo and shaki. Allow to fry until lightly brown.
• Add the pepper, crayfish and season. Stir and allow to cook.
• Add your water/stock.
• Serve with ofada rice or even with your normal rice, plantain, yam, potato,...

It looked and tasted real good. Ofada sauce shouldn't make you "Toni, everywhere you go", turning up at every event. Make it at home and add 15 yards to your wife material.lol. 

Congratulations to blogheart Olorilaw2 on the arrival of her baby. God bless baby, mommy, daddy and us all. I see you reading bloghearts, thank you. Keep reading. Xo, Anuoluwapo.

P.S. I used the ingredients I had at home. You can add boiled eggs, beef, goat meat, stock fish, etc, to make yours sexier. You can cut them into smaller pieces too.

I want to do sina today

When I heard someone talk about this before, I had a good laugh. I was rolling with laughter when I saw Falzthebahdguy's video about it on Instagram.

We want the best of both worlds. Lover of God and lover of fashion and the things of the world. It doesn't work that way. You're either here or there. You can't be lukewarm, stop trying to mess with our heads. It was a fad to have have religious quotes up on Sundays and "It's 11pm je ka sneak out" on Friday nights. How can you put up a dp that says Jesus is the only way and your pm says "I want to do sina today?" How are you an usher in choir and we buy tickets to club parties from you? Think about it, it's not even logical. It makes no sense. Why are you so confused about your identity? You need help from your bipolar disorder. #Jesusdontlikethat

How did I become better? I know the struggle. We have to set bounds and put a demarcation between what we can do and what we can't. If you want to open body, open it well. If you want to put God first, please do. I agree that crop tops are very cute on flat tummies but that's not enough reason to wear them. You can look really good without necessarily wearing "Supageti strap with crazy jean, no undies." 

I have attached Folarin Falz Falana's hilarious video. Don't worry about your data, it's just 15seconds.

Thanks for reading bloghearts. If it's your first time here, welcome. I hope you look through the posts and love them enough to stay. Hopefully, i'll bring you ofada sauce (ayamase)'s recipe on Friday. You'll need to try it out. All my love, Anuoluwapo.

P.S. You can watch Falz' funny videos and maybe participate in the #Marrymechallenge on his social media accounts (@falzthebahdguy) on Instagram and Twitter.

I'm tarabauer_ on IG and tara_bauer on Twitter.

Birthday wishes to blogheart, Eniwealth. Have a year as amazing as you are and a long, happy lifetime. Xo

How to look fab without breaking the bank

Hi ya Ladies! Ever wondered how you can look absolutely fabulous and not be in debt? Check out these tips:

1) Online Shopping.
Ever heard of Asos? I swear I’m not being paid to market on their behalf but ever since I discovered this website, my life hasn’t been the same. They are always having these amazing sales! And you get discount off too. You get to shop from the comfort of your home. And once you don’t receive your stuff, they refund you. Need I say more?

2) Tailor made clothes.
Seen that must have dress on a celebrity on Bella Naija? No need to save up for years before being able to afford it! Just buy lovely fabrics and get a tailor to make the exact same for you. I know how crazy tailors can be with messing up your clothes and not keeping to schedule. But once you get one ghen ghen tailor, stick to him/her!

3) Recycling clothes.
Have you noticed how our generation never wears anything new? Save some amazing pieces from your wardrobe and watch them becoming in again in some couple of years. Do I hear anyone say ‘Antique’!

4) Mix and match.
I’m particularly a fan of mixing expensive pieces with some cheap ones. Raid Balogun market ladies! There are lovely inexpensive item you can mix with those your designer pieces to achieve that fab look. ;)

5) Accessories.
These can make your outfit. Invest in belts, earrings, rings and bracelets. They can make your outfit go from simple to outstanding in seconds.

6) Blazers.
You can never have too many of these. They give you that classy look. It can paired up with dresses,maxi/mini skirts,pants,shorts. Change from flats to pumps to achieve that formal to party look.

7) LBD.
This can be your Little Black Dress or Long Black Dress. Every lady needs this. It can be worn to work, parties, weddings and other formal occasions. Its effortlessly classy and on the plus side,it goes with anything and everything!

8) White Blouses.
You need one or two of this. Alternatively, you can have cream blouses. They are ultra feminine and pair it with a high waisted skirt or pants for that sultry school ma'am look. ;)

Keep looking fab ladies! Mwah!

I loved this post the first time I read it here last year. I still do! Her tips are apt for the regular girl who wants to look good on a budget. I once shopped at the online store, never got the items or a refund. I'm always scared of it not fitting or something + the items I love on it are expensive. Physical stores, it is, for me. I'm a huge fan of mix and match. It looks good, fits, not random and affordable? I don't care about the label. A big amen to tailor made clothes. Thank you Maryam for allowing me share your timeless piece here.

Thanks for reading bloghearts. Do share your tips and check out my amatuer style on Instagram, @tarabauer_ I'll love to see and maybe steal from yours too. I got nothing but love for you. Anuoluwapo

My NYSC experience

Surprisingly, I was excited to go to Kwara camp. I do love my comfort zone. Maybe because it was going to be my first year away from school. All I could think was "you only serve once." I was greeted by no mobile network service and a stressful registration process. I was able to pick the best mattress and a spot of my choice in the cubicle (of 12 I think). There are many cubicles in a room. Too many girls in one place, scary! The kits we were given were substandard as you can guess. Many of us brought our outfits from home. The outfit I was given would conveniently fit Yokosuna. The shoes? *sigh* The white tennis were stolen and I couldn't bother to care. I had to wear the heavy boots for our swearing-in ceremony. I wear a size 4 and got 9/11. I tried someone's size 4 and it felt like a size 7.  Lifting my legs took a lot of energy. I managed to bath in the manageable bathrooms early before it got terrible. I couldn't get myself to bath outside. I also made sure I had no need to poop. People went to poop at the bushes around the parade ground which were far from the hostels. Imagine wanting to go at night.

As expected, things were expensive. Even the incompetent tailors charged high fees to adjust the outfits. There was a cobbler who claimed he could make the shoes smaller. We didn't need a million passport pictures like was speculated. I got bread from the kitchen. I can't remember eating anything else from there. There was good food in Maami. I went to the Man o war village. Of course, I didn't like it or attempt climbing, or pretend to climb, anything with an aching body. My platoon members seemed really funny and friendly though. They really had fun and took pictures like there was no tomorrow. I did only the compulsory jumping up and down. We were made to sing some rather funny songs too.

I woke up every morning with my shoulders in knots and my body sore only for us to be kept under the scorching sun for many hours severals times for parade. The Governor didn't care enough to honor the ones serving their nation during the swearing in ceremony. His representative also kept us under the sun for so long. The soilders turned out nice, I guess, but I was too scared of the repercussions of getting in their way. Corpers are not respected or treated like the graduates/professionals that they are. Not only are you serving the nation, you're humiliated and treated unfairly in and outside camp. Disrespect flows around. You would think one would be treated like an egg. 

Not like we respect ourselves anyway. What reasonable person plays music till 2am? Takes a bath by 3am and decides it's time to gist? Wakes at 4am and decides it is time to start speaking in tongues, very loudly? I felt like slapping so many people but I just siddon dey look. Not forgetting the stealing, fighting and gossip. My jewellery was stolen and I knew it was time to leave camp. They had one dry welcome party for us *yawns* I have no maami market memories because I never went for those nightly hang outs or parties or whatever they did there.

Corp lawyers were released to go attend to their law school final clearance and call to bar activities. I left camp on Sunday morning, having spent 5 nights on camp. Resumed back in December to be posted to an office and do some more registration. I was paid my November allawee then. I was paid 1,500naira bicycle allowance on camp. My CDS members formed serious lawyers, always arguing. I gave a lecture on Domestic Violence. We had two projects. Batch A's was to a rehabilitation home and Batch B's to an orphanage. Those were favorite NYSC moments. I was actively involved in planning Batch B's send forth dinner. I also attended a picnic. Sadly, my batch wasn't allowed to have a project and dinner. It wasn't until August that I started making new friends in my CDS. Maybe they didn't like me? Meetings were 9-12pm Wednesday mornings. Zonal meetings on the last Thursday of the month. Clearance on a monthly basis. Allawee was usually paid in the second or third week of the following month. There was a month I wasn't paid with the others because they were trying to fish out ghost corpers. It was paid with the following month's allawee.

That's about all I can remember now. P.O.P was on 16th October, 2014. There was no parade actually.  We went to collect our certificates. Trust them to keep us waiting for long. The only good thing I see in the service scheme, at the moment, is that the allawee sustains some people. Some wouldn't mind serving forever. It's better than staying at home with no jobs. The allawee however doesn't cover accommodation for many. There's also feeding, transport, flexing and other needs to be met.

Many congratulations to 13C ex-corpers. The market will favour us, Amen! Thanks for reading bloghearts. Bless your hearts. Xo, Anuoluwapo 

*NYSC = National Youth Service Corps
 Siddon look = calm and quiet

 CDS = Community Development Service

 Allawee = Allowance

 P.O.P = Passing out parade
Flexing = Relaxing

Things you should no longer be doing after 25

I'm of the opinion that some youthful exuberances should be done with after graduation. You don't have to start earning the big bucks or be a Dangote before you act the part of a professional. You should by all means act the part of an adult/graduate and leave some things for the ones behind. These are some of the things I think should be left behind:

• Incessant clubbing. Every weekend turn up, kilode? Why are you dragging the dance hall with 16 and 18 year olds? Your tenure has expired. You should not expect to hang out with friends all the time too. After school, everybody gets busy with work, job hunting, life issues. Get yourself busy.
• Getting into brawls. This can easily be forgiven while younger. At the mention of omode l'oun shey, everybody understands. But my God, you're a graduate now, looking for that good job or working it already? You have employers/clients/associates judging you by your actions and not intentions.
• Inappropriate dressing. You can't keep opening body up and down like you used to. It's not nice when you can't be told apart from a 16year old because you're both in the same crop top, you're 23 for crying out loud. Allow the transition and look good while at it. Dear boys, do leave your sagging and durags at home.
• The loud music should go. Do you see your mentors/folks blasting music in the car or at home. You're getting to that stage too.
• Do keep your thirst off social media please. Have some water or take care of it privately. Your profile should be quite different from that of a 15year old and should appeal to a different audience. Stop ranting/cursing. Live your private life private. Sometimes your random thoughts should belong to your thoughts. You can stop putting up insultive updates too. Have an issue with someone? Talk to that someone, not your contacts/followers. Also your bbm name should reflect your maturity.
• Moderation is classy. Think, eat, dream moderation. Dressing, makeup, jewellery, speech, party, everything.
• Set life goals and work towards it. Wake up, lectures, eat, gist, internet, sleep,..., shouldn't be your thing anymore.
• You need to make healthy choices and protect yourselves. You're an authority over. yourself now.

• If you had a string of girl/boyfriends. You may want to stop this. You're too grown to date for dating sake.
• You shouldn't have an abortion while in school. Now you're out and having one? I'm trying hard to believe there's nothing wrong with you.

Thank you for reading my bloghearts. Do add to the list or say hello. It's not so easy thinking up and writing posts. So, I'm sorry some posts don't come when you expect them. When there's no new post or you have some free time on your hands, do go back to posts you've not read. You know you can send in topics or posts to be published?  tarabauer01@gmail.com.

Birthday shout out to blogheart Esquire. Remember he wrote From a Nigerian man - What a man wants from his woman for us? Thanks for the support and love. We wish you an amazing year and a long lifetime of happiness. Amen. Have an amazing week y'all. Love, Anuoluwapo.

* kilode = why
 omode l'oun shey = he is being a child

How and how not to

The bile in your tummy

Some people need help, mental help. If seeing someone doing well gives you sleepless nights or fills your tummy with bile, you need urgent help. Some people would rather be the local champion, doling out a few pennies to people around. If that's your definition of life, you're messed you. There is so much room at the top, the more the merrier. If you have fun/vacation alone, you're not rich. There is nothing like telling friends/siblings "Babes, let's hit Maldives for Christmas" and you can all afford to go. Wealth is not transmitted sexually or on the basis of friendship. But you can support/encourage your friend, carry him alone, pray for her. You should not only be concerned about your welfare and that of your immediate family.

A yoruba adage "Bi'su Eni ba ta, eyan maa f'owo bo je ni" translates stop showing off on instagram. Lol. Stop flaunting and feeling like you've arrived. You're rich and we thank God but please do away with your "poverty" mentality. Keep a level head and most of your successes to yourself. Live in moderation. You can afford a private jet don't mean you should get one. The heart of man is terribly wicked. They cool with you when you're just getting by. They love encouraging you about how things would get better.  Once your hammer, they smile at you, ask for help from you, get offended if you can't help/help fully. They don't understand that you have a lot on your shoulders at the moment. They forget how you've helped before. Some would be too arrogant to ask for help. Some are richer than you are but don't want you to get to their level. Someone would testify in church and you would hear another hiss "Is she the first person?" Would you die if you keep your private life/earnings private. #Codeyourself.

If you're not doing so well. Keep trying and praying. Ask for help reasonably, where need be. Asking for money to buy a car or sound system is far from reasonable. Be happy for people and wish them well. Another's downfall shouldn't put a smile on your face.

This post was birth from Africa Magic + the LIB saga. Linda's blog is back up but it's much more difficult for people to bounce back up after being hacked down by frenemies. Have you noticed that strangers either don't have an opinion or are supportive. It's the supposed loved ones that lose their peace. My bloghearts, thank you for reading. Xo, Anuoluwapo

Matrimonial bedroom

I saw this topic being debated on Twitter and I thought I'll talk about it today. Whether a couple should share a room or not. If it were up to me, I'll definitely share a room. I think it has more pros for me. It's harder to keep a grudge, you get to gist, have sleep overs and be friends, you get comfortable with each other, unlimited jeru trips,...

Every marriage is personalized, the experience is different for everyone. What works for the Smiths may blow up in the Baloguns' faces. No two marriages are the same. That being said, I think each to whatever rocks her boat. You don't have to run your home in a certain way because everyone is doing it that way. If you realize you love your spouse so much but you wouldn't stop bickering when you share a room or are together for long, maybe you should consider separate rooms. Some people lose sleep due to their partners' sleeping habits or their mismatched sleep patterns. I used to think snoring was no big deal until I went to law school. Afterall our grand/great grand parents (even those in monogamous relationships had separate bedrooms) and they didn't die. Sleeping in the same room doesn't make it harder for some couples to keep a grudge. It fuels the grudge.

I really don't think there is a right or wrong decision when it comes to issues like this. So stop judging people's decisions. Maybe you should keep your sleeping arrangements to yourselves too. Thank you for reading bloghearts, Anuoluwapo.

Story of the ex

It amuses me when girls talk about their exes whether negatively or positively? Why are you so bitter?  Why do you miss his behind? Perhaps because it's familiar? You don't want familiar, you want better. You want one that treats you right and appreciates you.There is a reason you didn't work out. I'm sorry you were heartbroken. Be upset, cry for a day or two and then please, wipe your tears. You're not the first or the last to be hurt. Get yourself together, get over the hurt and re-package. If it's over, it never happened, yea? No?

It's rather sad hearing girls say they've given up on love/guys, into chics now or depressed. The ones that commit suicide ehn? Or the ones that make stalking the guy's life their primary assignment, hurting the new babe or doing jazz? People have time gidi gan.

So if a relationship isn't working or is dead, don't try reviving it if you don't want the same old in your future. If you can't live with it, don't go back to it. If he didn't treat you right then, why would he now? Yes, he has realized his mistakes, seemingly sorry, can't stop crying and his ancestors are on your case? It could be very tricky. Take time to be rational and be very sure it's what you want. It wouldn't hurt to speak to your mom, someone you're sure has your mom or get some counselling.

I'm sorry I was away. You don't want to know how stressful the week has been. Thanks for the harassment, lol. I had been writing this piece for over a month. Wasn't sure about it. Still not sure but thought to publish it. I hope it makes sense to a blogheart. Thanks for reading. Much love, Anuoluwapo

Lol! It's never this serious