Keeping the jewels on my crown

I read this quote on Instagram and I was completely touched by it. It reminded me of how many times I had removed 'jewels' from my crown so that a man would 'love me' ... instead of finding a man that was worthy of me, I had lowered myself more times than I care to remember. Over the years I wondered what was wrong with me? Why was I still single? Especially when being married to someone I loved and who loved me was all that I wanted. 

I have never been the girl who wanted the big career, I have never been the girl that wanted fame and I have never been the girl that wanted excessive money... I have been the girl that wanted love. When it didn't happen over the years, I had began to think it must be me, something I was doing wrong... over the last year and a half, it came to me that I had been selling myself short with the men that I had dated. I had forgot my worth. 

I got less then I deserved because I had expected it, in my mind I didn't deserve much more... all of this came after I had lost 'him' as my best friend... because at one time I had thought I was SO lucky to have 'him'... I neglected to remember that 'he' was lucky to have me. When 'he' stopped being friends with me due to a misunderstanding that I was not given a chance to explain, I ended up falling into a depression... this was when my eyes and my heart started to open more. 

I begin to see how I had thought I deserved so little over my life and this was why I had so little... what you expect is what you get... I remember a night 'he' and I were talking before 'he' came home and I was so excited and I told him I deserved 'him'... he stopped me that night and said, did I ever think it was 'him' that deserved me?... I was touched by what he had said but I didn't believe it for a very long time. 

What we both neglected to remember was that love isn't about deserving one another, love is about loving ourselves first and giving the best of ourselves to the other person. I now know that I had not loved myself enough and because I didn't I was not able to truly love anyone else enough. I had lived with fear that I was going to be alone, since I couldn't love myself, how could anyone else love me either. 

Although I may not find the love of my life, I now know more than ever that I want nothing less ... especially since I am willing to give my all to the right person if they were to come along. I never thought I would write this or more I never thought I would believe this... but I would rather be alone than be with someone who didn't truly love me... I love myself enough to never settle for someone just because I think I deserve some kind of love. 

The truth is we all deserve love, the question is do we know that loving ourselves is really the answer?

I'm totally keeping the jewels on my crown. Yes, i'm a queen. So are you! (or a king as the case may be). Don't lose yourself because you want to be with someone. An example? I read on facebook this morning "How do I lose weight? My boyfriend wants me to lose weight or i'll lose him." I ignored the post because all I could think is "Is something wrong with you? Are you seriously considering it?" Your boyfriend should want you to lose weight because he wants you to be healthy and maybe look better. If he ever thinks and plays the "or else i'll leave you card", he isn't the one. Putting up with a boyfriend that hits you, disrespects you, cheats on you? Just look at your jewels on the floor. Why do you have to discard your life goals and happiness for a man or woman. You need to truly love yourself to love another and be loved right. If you're still looking at your jewels on the floor instead of in your crown, you do not love yourself.

I'm addicted to Launna's blog She is one wise lady who writes the truth from her experiences. I never leave her blog without learning (or having her remind me of) something. She's so so practical. I would love to spend a weekend getting to know her and learning from her experiences in person. Thanks Launna for letting me share this. Thanks for the prayers and for reading bloghearts. Love, Anuoluwapo.