Yoruba traditional weddings #owambe

It's 2years today that some amazing people trekked all the way from Kwara, Nigeria to Ogun, Nigeria to pluck a very beautiful rare flower they fell in love with. Just kidding, they didn't trek, they rode in their Buggati, Rolls Royce, Ferrari, Lamborghini and the like, even private jets. #Baddest #Frosh. I just heard the word tradoversary so I'll use it. Today is my tradoversary so I'll tell you as much as I can about Yoruba traditional weddings.

So you've been dating a Yoruba babe and she has been dropping hints, picking aso-ebi, attending weddings, talking about bridal showers and tagging you on proposal posts on Instagram? Or maybe she has proposed to you with "Baby I'm pregnant" lol, you're just curious or want a good read? You want to be here.

Yorubas love fun, feferity, colour, party and they party hard. What better way to do this than to throw classy wedding ceremonies that would be fondly remembered several years after. Lavish your investment or run into debts for a day's ceremony *sigh*

After the proposal, if there is one, a date for the Introduction of families is picked with the bride's family as the host. The groom's people come with small gifts like biscuits, drinks, sweets and fruits. The bride's family also prepares similar gifts to give them when they leave. The introduction is meant to be a private and informal event where the families get to meet and interact formally as in-laws. It is usually commenced with prayers and singing. The groom's family state their purpose of visit. A member of the bride's family introduces the bride's family members present, a member of the groom's family does same for his side. The intending bride is ushered in to greet her family and in-laws. Merriment and gists follow. A wedding date may be fixed. They end with prayers. That's basically the Introduction.

Two dates are usually picked for the wedding. The traditional wedding and white/nikkah wedding.
It's usually a Thursday/Friday and Saturday of the same week or have a week interval. Some do everything on the same day. Did you say stressful?Mine was 3months apart. I first saw the time gap in the Igbo tradition and loved it. My parents were kind enough to allow me + we had a lot of time to rest in between events. We also learnt from the first event.

To have a proper Yoruba wedding you need

• Alaga Ijoko (Compere from the Bride's side) and an Alaga Iduro (Compere from the groom's side). These professional comperes are funny, witty and far from shy. They talk, joke, sing, dance and entertain with they way they drill the groom and his friends and conduct the ceremony.
• Different array of continental and local dishes. Ofada rice, jollof rice, fried rice, yam pottage, amala, pounded yam, chinese, ikokore, designer stew,... The more the quantity/variety of foods, the more successful the event of your party. Don't forget a cake, small chops, barbecue, dessert,...
• Water, soft drinks, juice, cocktail, wine, spirit,... Depend on your guest list.
• Nowadays, you have a band that plays owambe music and also a DJ that gives a youthful feel to the event.
• #Asoebi Usually, a uniform material is picked for the guests. Most times, there may be up to 4 or more uniform materials with the bride's parents, groom's parents, bride, bride's siblings, groom's siblings all picking aso-ebi for their friends. If you attend such wedding without being adorned with a uniform, you'll feel lost and unwanted.lol. You can't even get into some venue if you're not properly dressed. And the struggle to make the nicest style, get lovely accessories and be featured on bellanaija weddings ehn. I picked a 1k Ankara for my friends for the sake uniformity. I'm glad I did as it turned out to be a big event. I love aso-ebi, it gives the event colour. It's asking me to pay 1million for it that's my problem, I'm doing you a favour and showing my love by buying, remember? Not interested in uniform, you can pick a colour.
• Venue and decoration. Ofcourse you need a venue which may be a hall or an open field. You should protect your guests from the elements. You also need to get decoration for your venue.
• My most important part is the outfit. The couple wear matching aso-oke. The groom usually in aso-oke agbada and cap and the bride in aso-oke iro, buba, gele and ipele. She could also wear a mixture of lace and aso-oke. Shoes, purse, make-up, jewelry fit under here. The parents are not left out. They also wear outstanding outfits.
• Eru-iyawo: A list of items to be provided at the traditional wedding is sent to the groom's family. They are obliged to get everything to the letter. The bride is mandated to pick a Bible as her favorite of the gifts even if her father, like mine, gives her a new Bible every year. The items are not necessarily expensive. Where it says jewelry for the bride, for example. If the guy can afford 1million naira good, if it's 1500 jewelry he can afford, fine. A ridiculously cheap dowry/bride price is asked for but refunded. Mine was 5k smh. Then ridiculously cheaper amounts for iyawo ile, omo ile and co. They say it takes 2 pairs to make a baby but a village to raise a baby. Besides the items for the bride, every other thing is divided into 3. 1 part for the bride's parents, 1 part for the bride's father's family and the 3rd for the bride's mother's family. The families then share it equally in a way that every key member of the family gets out of each item, no matter how some.
• The groom's family also brings a formal proposal letter which someone from the bride's family, usually a younger female, reads. It may also be the bride's friend. She dances and is sprayed some money before she reads it. The bride's family furnishes the groom's with an acceptance letter which is hardly read.
• Don't forget a photographer, video coverage, projector screens, security, ushers, party favours, etc.

I noticed that an Igbo lady is considered married upon the traditional wedding. Most Yorubas don't consider themselves married until after the white/nikkah wedding. We don't even call it traditional wedding, we call it engagement. I really don't know what I think about that. Okay I know what I think. The law of the land and even God recognizes me as married upon my traditional wedding. Doesn't mean I still wouldn't have a white wedding. I think a lady that has a white wedding without a traditional wedding is very single. Who paid your dowry and to whom that you're talking married? Trust my smart in-laws sef to whisk me home after the trad wedding. My eldest iyale washed my feet, prayed for me and welcomed me into the family. I then proceeded to my father's house to keep living my single life.

Thank you for reading my long post bloghearts. Please tell us about the #weddingfeferity in your culture/religion. Much love, Anuoluwapo

*Feferity = Pageantry
 Smh = Shaking my head
 Iyawo ile = Wives in the family
 Omo ile = Children in the family
 Iyale = Senior wife

P.S. If you didn't know, Latara Events' Place, Ilorin, is offering their clients FREE EVENTS PLANNING. Don't miss the offer call 08133352000 or visit www.lataraeventsventures.com

No wonder my father refunded them

My sweet mil

Meet my amazing brother

Eru iyawo

Why you shouldn't tell

Some are brilliant but can't pay tuition, some can pay tuition but are not brilliant, some are brilliant and can afford to pay but have family issues. My point is that everyone has a challenge at every point. It could be one's career, education, relationship, health, loved one,... The difference is how each person responds to these challenges. Some people choose to get so overwhelmed that suicide becomes an option. Some choose to take the depression route and become patronizers of B.P. medication. Some are known more in places of worship than in their residential areas and offices as they choose to abandon their homes/offices for every religious program. You should watch where you go in the name of looking for God before you get more than you bargained for and get yourself into bigger trouble. You also shouldn't abandon yourself, family and career. Balancing is key.

But of course, God is the answer to our challenges. He is the one we can tell everything and allow to play his part. With him, we can relax fully knowing that everything is in control. We still have our part to play. Like studying for exams or working hard. The whole essence of this post is everybody has issues. Stop telling yours to everyone that has ears. Stop looking sad and dejected. Why do you let people keep asking you "what's wrong?" There may be some people that have to be told. If someone can't help solve the issue or pray along with you, why are you informing him/her? It may not be a secret but it's private. Later you won't let us rest with your insultive and heavily pregnant updates on bbm. Did you expect that your privacy would be respected when you can't respect it yourself? Please calm down, talk to God, make out plans and keep smiling, genuinely.

My next post is going to be on Yoruba traditional weddings, owambe somethings. I assure you, you want to read about it from an Ijebu babe #IjebuTooSabi. Thanks for reading bloghearts, do say hello in the comment section. See you on Tuesday. All my love, Anuoluwapo.

11 and pregnant

I had to suspend my drafted posts to publish this. I saw this on Instagram yesterday and couldn't get it out of my mind. Forget that she glows and the pregnancy sits well on her, she is 11years old. She should just be graduating from watching Disney Jnr to Disney. How dare she even look good? Lol.

The photo asks what one would do. Let me first say GOD FORBID. I'm totally against abortions so she is so keeping my grand baby. She will go back to school and I'll help her out as much as I can and she better be responsible and grow up before the end of 9months or whatever time it takes the baby to arrive. As long as she voluntarily had sex, she would not be allowed to smile, wear pretty dresses,  take photos, be on social media or have fun during the pendency of her pregnancy. I'll swap her smart phone for a 1500naira phone. Oh wait, she is 11. She wouldn't have a smart phone or be on social media sef. She'll watch and read all about pregnancy and raising a baby.

Then I thought maybe it wasn't her fault. Maybe she was raped. Hell awaits rapists!! The person that had sex with an 11 year old sef *sigh*

Could it be the fault of the parents? Maybe. Hustle is the spirit now. Money seemingly answers every question but money won't tell your baby to be decent and responsible. Isn't it one's kids they say one works for? So why don't you give them a life so your money can positively affect them? Make time for your kids. How would you when you got married for the wrong reasons. Money? Gave in to pressure when you know you're not ready or cut out for marriage? Marriage and childbearing seemed like the next thing? Because you found yourself pregnant? They need you more as kids. If your 11 year old gets pregnant, you should beat yourself.

Many times it's not the parents' fault. Majority of them talk, shout, pray, cry... But we no gree hear word. Without being told, even an 11 year old knows fornication is wrong and that's how one gets pregnant. Oh but parents still need to help them build strong personalities so right choices are easier to make. Please be wise, don't leave your daughters to the mercy of uncles, neighbours, teachers,... I used to have lessons at my grandmom's because my parents were not comfortable leaving me with a man regardless of how responsible he seemed. If you've tried your best you shouldn't beat yourself. You will feel bad but the child chose her path.

Church, school and society? Don't leave your responsibilities to those? When your kids hammer, are you not the one with the ultimate bragging rights?

Male children are not left out. You shouldn't protect only your unmarried daughters. Make sure your unmarried sons do not impregnate anyone. Besides, many men say their first sexual experience was with an older aunt, maid, family friend, cousin... Hmmm, homosexuals and bisexuals are also around, be careful.

Thank you for reading bloghearts. I must admit I know it's not easy. God help parents, prospective ones too.

Lol

Here is the photo

Beauty series are coming soon.  How to shape your eyebrow, apply day/night/party makeup, tie your gele, fashion trends and of course something nice for the men. We'll be learning from professionals. I'm excited, you should be. Are you a MUA or into fashion. There should also be posts on rape, homosexualiaty, food, baby mama/daddy epidemic, domestic violence and more. Want to get involved? Holla tarabauer@gmail.com. All my love, Anuoluwapo

How I lost 20kg in 4months

I had just gotten a dream job in Lagos and had to relocate. We were told to go for some medical check up which I did and I was confirmed healthy. For records, I have never for once seen myself as fat but rather chubby (self illusion). A nurse went through my profile and was shocked to see a 23year old weighing 98kg  “you know you are too fat for your age right? Do you want to die of obesity?” she asked me sternly. I pretentiously laughed it off but she would not stop lecturing me about obesity. I went home that day feeling bad and had to even ignore the pain I was feeling in my knee as a result of my excess weight instead I comforted myself with more junks, carbohydrate and fat as usual. Those words from the nurse struck me so hard I couldn’t concentrate at work the next day but still was not motivated to take the next step to my weight loss journey. I picked up my phone and typed “success story on weight loss”on Google. I came across so many stories that were really touching. Reading success stories became an habit and this went on for several months not conscious of the fact that I could create my own success story.

One Sunday afternoon, I had this dreadful dream that my tummy was patterned with stretch marks, I cried myself out in the dream beseeching God for a second chance. Suddenly, I jolted up and realized it was a dream I headed straight to the mirror, surprisingly I saw a mark struggling to be visible on my tummy. And that was where my journey started. I realise there was nothing like the PERFECT TIME but instead you make the time perfect for yourself. I registered in a gym close to work. Believe me I have never being this motivated to do anything in my life. Friends from work laughed at me whenever they see me jogging in morning. To be sincere, people at the gym really intimidated me; those people could jog 5km in 20 minutes, do a lengthy aerobics without stopping to catch their breath. And yes, they were that good I almost gave up because I thought I could never be as strong as they were. However I kept reminding myself how much money and time I invested in the gym, how I refuse to be a loser and how I have to prove so many people wrong.  It was like a do or die affair I knew there was no turning back. My eating habit changed (thanks to @nellyagbogu). I curbed it with the diet plan titled “setting the captive free” and supported it with De’makhali diet plan (my own plan).  I used the first diet plan to curb my appetite and the second to lose weight faster though I coupled it with my usual exercise and I drank a lot of water. The plan is to eat healthy.

The Gym became a second home and everybody there became family. I would get to the gym before 6am do my regular workout, jog, aerobics and yogathen would take a shower before leaving for work. In the evening after work I would be back at the gym with so much energy even though literarily there was none but I had to push myself and burn some calories. This went on everyday apart from Sundays. I celebrated every kg or pound I lost. I took pictures of my progress OMG! I have never being happier in my life. Indeed fitness is so good to the body and soul. Even when there was no visible difference I was ready to show off a before and after picture but my friends will just laugh at me and that  kept me more  motivated and focused (criticism is my inner strength to success). I participated in the 10km marathon race organised by Nike sport “We run Lagos” I didn’t believe I made it to the end point within an hour despite the fact that I fell and bruised my knee twice. Though I was not among the first 200 but I felt so victorious like Usain Bolts. The feeling was so great I thought I could represent Nigeria for the Olympics lol. That week, I stepped on the scale and there 15kg was off my vibrant body. I lost 15kg after 3months? It was unbelievable and I realised “the biggest project you can ever execute is on yourself”. In less than another 1month I lost 5kg more. When I went back home at the end of the year my parents and siblings were shocked to see a Slim Khadijat. Come to think of it even as a kid I was that fat girl next door.

Oh! Forgive my manners God, it has been God all the way because while others were praying for a car, house, husband and other goodies mine was “God let me drop 20kg and be really fit”. Well, it happened. eventually. Indeed God never forsakes his own, you know? Remember rain does not stop falling just because the calabash is full, so till date I still workout and eat healthy. Fitness and eating healthy is not a FAD but should be your way of life, it is a culture that can never go extinct. Again, I did not have time but I made time. I did not have the knowledge but I did what I knew. I did not have the support but I learned to support myself. I did not have the confidence but the confidence came with result. I had a lot going against me but I had enough going for me. I had plenty excuses but I chose not to use any of them and this is my SUCCESS STORY. “

I'm really grateful for this. I stumbled on Khadijat's (I. didn't even know her name until I read her write up) IG profile @cardijar_mohd and was wowed by her weight loss. I contacted her to share her story with us and she kindly obliged and didn't hesitate to share photos and diet plans, in this world where ladies tend to keep these things as secrets. She even apologized for sending it late even though I just asked her last week. If you're interested in the diet plan she created, please contact me tarabauer01@gmail.com Her primary reason forlosing weight was to be healthy, looking better came as a bonus. + she was strong enough to do it the healthy way. Bless your heart! It's so easy to make plans and loss weight by mouth but it takes determination and hard work to lose and maintain the weight loss. There are lots of people who join gyms and pile up more weight instead of losing. If you're going to work out and feast on junks afterwards, don't bother wasting your time and energy. I asked Khadijat more questions and here is her response.

I used to spend roughly 2hrs for the morning session and 2hrs for the evening session. Well the first 30mins in the morning I jog from the. gym in beesam to MMA. On getting back I would skip 1500 for another 30minutes, use the power station to trim my arms and back and I do the mat exercise for my pot belly lol. When it rains in the morning, I use the treadmill instead of jogging. The instructor was very nice but strict. He makes me run "not" jog on the treadmill for 45 minutes so I can lose 200calories before we engage in serious aerobic and some crazy situps with the medicine ball then I crown it with the power station for the evening section. Yes, I apportion time for each activity so I can be atop my game, I mean so I can be better than I did a  day before.

I lost 20kg in roughly 4months

I still go to the gym but not everyday, I go every other day but my Saturday jogging is constant and I still eat healthy. I still drink at least 10 cups of water in a day to flush out my system and my fruit and veg are still constant though once in a while I backslide but balance up seriously.  Another thing is that I love Pizza and Cake a lot but I punish myself with lot of water and skipping whenever I eat them. 

Dear bloghearts, I hope you're as inspired as I am and glad I brought this here. Like she said keeping fit is a lifestyle, so even if you're a lepa shandy, you should strive to be healthy always. A teacher told me some slim people eat junks and don't get fat whereas the fat gets stored around their hearts which is  dangerous but they don't suspect a thing unlike a fat person that knows he/she should be careful. If you're interested in joining a weight loss/maintenance group regardless of your location, pplease contact me. Feel free to drop your questions and comments. Thanks for reading. Keep reading and sharing. Love you plenty, Anuoluwapo

Beautiful!!

He looks like someone from Maltina Dance Hall

You have vanished o

Wow

Baby oku. You for send this dress to the blog ehn. Lol

MOM Vs MIL

Hi Anu, how are you doing? You went MIA on us. Hope you're okay. So, I'm pretty heavy and excited about having my princess. I've set up a room for her and bought stuff. My problem is I'll rather my mom come to help with the baby instead of my mom in law. How do I stop her from coming? Zainab

Yaaaay congratulations. Have a safe and mildly painful delivery :D I'm doing very well, thank you. 

You have two moms now. One was given by nature and the other by law, both by God. You should see your mil more as mom. She raised the man of your dreams, wants to help nurse the baby, has good intentions. It's so unfair to want to keep her away from the joy of grand motherhood. You'll be a mil someday by God's grace. How would you feel if your son or daughter in law wants you to stay away?

I do understand that you may be closer to your biological mom. You may be able to say "Mom stop it, don't bathe my baby with that" or "Mom I'm hungry o, won't you fix something for me to eat?" You may get to rest more but always remember you're a day closer to being a mil yourself. Feel free with your mil. Understand and love her. You'll get to the point you're with with your mom soon, hopefully.

I don't think you should favour a mom over the other. They are both your moms.

If there are more underlining issues why you would rather have your mom over. Don't be crafty. Discuss with your boo. If he is cool with him. Let him sort it out. Thank you for writing in. I hope I was of help. Hopefully, some bloghearts will enlighten us better.

Dear bloghearts, I'm sorry I went MIA like Zainab put it. If not that she wrote in, maybe I would not have  posted today. My phone was misbehaving. It's okay now but I can't seem to log back on blogger. If you were on my bbm, you may have to re-invite me. I need topics and posts o. Thanks in advance my people. Have a good good week. Love y'all. Anuoluwapo.

N.B: S/O to new blogheart Lara and the darlings you kept refreshing and those that missed my posts enough to reach out.

*MIA = Missing in action

 Mil = Mother in law

Feminism and marriage

This post was inspired by the feminist talk on twitter. It seems to me that some of us ladies do not know where to draw the line. So I'm saying this, please do not bring your feminism to your marriage or relationship. What man wants to spend forever with a woman that drags the pants with him, one that questions his authority and refuses to be his helpmate? None! Not even your kind hearted father and brothers. I do not for one day think I'm equal to a man. I'm here to support him, guide and build him in all submissiveness. I also do not believe that that man is better than I am. We were just naturally built for different fields.

Do women that make their men commit murder have 2 heads? No, that have sense. The husband is the head of the home and the wife the neck. The head goes wherever the neck directs it, no be so?Submissiveness is one great weapon we have as women. With submission, you can get your man to do your every bidding. He'll do it to specifications with a big smile sef. It has to do with their huge ego that needs frequent greasing. Grease it today and be happy.

But you see, when you fight your man, question his IQ and authority, do you think he'll be happy with you even when we all know women have higher IQs and are better decision maker? He won't feel like a king in his home and therefore won't treat you like a queen. You'll now be two warriors. Smh for you. Isn't it better to be submissive and very happy than forming independent woman with High B.P? It's this independent feminist attitude our grandmothers lacked that saved their marriages.

Being submissive isn't being foolish or being a slave. It's wisdom. If he makes a decision that doesn't sit well with you. Calm down. Use that woman power to talk to him later. It may take some time but it will work. When something heavy is going down, isn't it the wife that's usually asked to talk to her hubby? She doesn't talk to him in a "we're equal" or "I also have an equal say on this child" tone. She speaks to him like a king, he does her bidding and everyone is happy. Don't take it too far so you don't get burnt though.

Ofcourse go to the world and hustle hard. If you want to be a feminist, be ready to live with the pros and cons. You can't just take the good part and avoid the bad. If the boys are getting their hands dirty, don't tell me about your French manicure. This is my own kind of diluted feminism ~ Hustler outside, wifey and mommy in the home. By all means, know who you are, your worth, work hard and bring something to the table.

If you feel you are so equal to men that you can't slow down even at home or you're so career oriented that it'll be difficult for you to slow down and be a wife or mom, please don't consider marriage or raising kids. The morale of my rant is that feminism and independence doesn't work well with marriage (for both sexes), don't bring that attitude home.

Thanks for reading my bloghearts. Hopefully, we'll get nice pro and anti feminism advocates to write for us. Remember what we talked about today is feminism in marriage.

We have freebies!!! Yaaay! We have 15 copies of  YewaAwori Horizon, all thanks to the publisher, Mr Olamilekan Adisa Ajibogun. It has posts on Male Inferitility: Causes, Symptoms and Treatment,The Joys of Motherhood, Diabetics, Retirement, Disadvantages of big breasts *yimu*, politics, family life, relationships, juicy gists, news on Ogun state and the country, "aye le" stories, our very own Bedmatics 101 amongst many other entertaining and educative pieces. I think it's only fair to give them to bloghearts who have written or suggested posts. I'll get in touch with them all. I'm grateful to you all, my dear bloghearts for reading and your kind words. Bless your hearts, Anuoluwapo.

Degrees but no M.A.N

What is this young lady of charisma and poise? This lady that oozes class, her body is magnificent and her brain functions at 40% (human brain is known to fully function at 20%). She’s got it all at her tender age of 30, LL.B, B.L,LL.M and yet no M.A.N. Multinational company employer, indispensable worker, employee of the year, her job is her life yet unhappiness lies within her. Her comfort is in the bottle and how much wine she can consume to celebrate her wins.

My friends are married; they have kids of their own. I land business deals, I seal contracts yet I cant land a M.A.N. I preach nothing but independence for the female gender. If the man can do it, why can’t you? The super African woman, the black skin, elegant woman, obedient to her husband and upholds her home, mother to her children and hope to her country. However, there is a space the man fills.

You can say to yourself, I don’t need a man, you can act strong to the outside world but when you clock those late 20s, it pinches you….that little voice in your head when you buy aso- ebi, when you organise bachelorette nights and baby showers, you can choose to ignore it but it is always there, reminding you of the necessary…M.A.N 

They can be undeserving, they hurt, they can be irrational and annoying yet they can be sweet, they can be real, they can be the most amazing happening in your life’s existence….Who says you can’t have it all? Be the supporting wife, the amazing mother and the employee of the year….. DEGREE, MASTERS AND M.A.N.

Anu told me to write a piece for the blog about a month now but the lazy girl that I am is just sending in the piece, its not so amazing, it’s the second time I would have to write a piece for blogging, thanks Anu for this opportunity, I hope the readers enjoy it.

I hope they do. It's funny how people say "Take your time, they no dey catch late comer for marriage, you're the best fruit on the top of the tree" which may be very true. Yet they shove aso-ebi in your face everyday, they take every opportunity to pray for a life partner for you, tell you how amazing their spouses are. You can't even smile and save nice styles on Instagram in peace. Photos and stories of proposals everywhere. Pre-wedding photos and videos taken too seriously. Facebook? Arrrgh, na so so wedding invites, wedding and baby photos. Even those that have been engaged for 4years will be giving attitude. Lmao! The relatives and friends acting up and asking funny questions.

What I think? Don't let it get to you. Do not attempt to get jealous or upset. Being jealous means you think you deserve it more than they do. That's so not the way forward. Be genuinely happy for others. Even the Bible says rejoice with those who rejoice. And that there are weddings every Saturday, Thursday or whenever doesn't mean your spouse has been stolen from you. Do not settle because of the pressure. Also, don't pose too much. If you say no to guys you should have said yes to, don't expect the patient girl who has stuck with that cute eligible bachelor in your office for 4 years to gladly release him to you.

You also need to know that Instagram and Facebook na wash. It's not always as beautiful as they portray. Abi have you seen anyone post "I'm so upset, my wife just talked me down" or "My daughter just told me Sandra's mom is a better cook" or "My husband just had sex with our maid". We know these things happen but who do they happen to as everyone is in the perfect marriage. They won't tell you. I'm not saying  marriage is miserable but you should know there are down times which should be a whole lot less than the happy times. Divorce rate is escalating, who are the people divorcing? Calm down, enjoy being single and open your eyes.

Thank you so much Tayo darling. Write again sometime soon? Thanks for reading y'all. Please come again. Xo, Anuoluwapo

Wife or maid?

Hi Anu, what's up with you? Nice blog. I have a quick silly question my friends and I have been debating. Who should wash the hubby's boxers? Wife or maid? Thanks babe. Ire

Lol! Lol! Lol! Really? Lol! So, why is the one who wears the boxers not in the scenario?  If it's between the wife and the maid, I definitely think the wife should. I should add that I don't think marriage is still "daddy reading the papers while mommy slaves away in the kitchen." Husbands gladly help around the house more now.  Ideally, dirty underwear should not be piled. With that being said, I think hubby should wash his underwear after each wear. It's just one piece so what's the fuss and debate about.

I however do not see it weird or shameful to wash your spouse's underwear if you want to. It's perfectly okay to help out occasionally or even everyday. It's the hubby making it the wife's chore that I don't subscribe to, it makes it a bore. Asking whether it's the wife or maid's chore seems to me like some wives aren't excited about it. At the end of the day, it's up to you, your hubby and whatever rocks your boat.

I'm doing very well Ire, thanks for asking. You?

Dear bloghearts, what do you think? Thanks for reading. Tayo sent a yummy piece in, you don't want to miss it. See you on Monday? Much love, Anuoluwapo.

UPDATED: Spouse or child?

Someone recently asked me who comes first, spouse or child? I know that the spouse and the child have different roles to play and you love them differently but then the spouse comes first. It's only recently that pregnancy or a baby comes into the picture before a spouse does. A spouse also stays in the picture longer than a baby. I understand that the child gets more attention than the spouse at a stage and that's because babies need attention. You only have your child with you for about 21years before he leaves your protection to start his life and would often see your calls and attention as bugging his life.

The argument that your child is your flesh and blood unlike your spouse is total crap. Your spouse is your flesh and blood, your other half, you! Can half a car operate without it's other half? Well, maybe yes but not to it's full potential. Same goes for you. You may live a good and seemingly happy life with the kids and away from your spouse but you wouldn't fully reach your potential. The day you were joined in holy matrimony you became one, blood and flesh. It takes only death to separate blood and flesh. Even the law deems you as one. On your child's naming or on the day you registered her birth, did anyone join you? That being said, you shouldn't let the kids come between you. Your child will also leave you to be one with another.

It may be easy for me to say now but I believe it's the truth. It's women who are ignorant of these that hold on to their sons and make their daughters in law's lives unbearable. And the people that allow their folks disrespect their spouses? God is watching you in 4D. Stop the nonsense you say on twitter, your wife comes before any and everyone, even your momma. Don't become boring or lose interest in your hubby because a baby, who is just a phase, arrived.

UPDATE: Besides children are gifts from God and not the essence of marriage. Eve was created mainly because God didn't think it proper for Adam to be alone. So tell me why kids should come before God and companionship?

Sorry I didn't post yesterday. I was tired and my network provider wasn't pleased with my face. I do need you to send me topics I can write on. You can also write and send in your posts to be put up. Thank you for always coming back. Xo, Anuoluwapo.

Train up a child in a way he should go...

Anuchef: Chicken vegetable gravy

Hello bloghearts, how are you doing? Hope you're loving September? It was my brother's birthday on Tuesday. Even though we live in different towns, I made a special simple meal to celebrate. It was my first time making and having a gravy. I really enjoyed it and it smells so good. I thought to share the recipe with you today.

INGREDIENTS
Chicken
1 onion bulb
2 medium green pepper
2 carrot sticks
1 small cabbage
Pepper
Thickener (2 tablespoons of corn flour mixed with 4 tablespoons of water)
Spices
Seasoning cubes
Oil
Garlic

PROCEDURE

1. Clean, season and boil chicken like you would normally do
2. Clean and cut the vegetables
3. Stir-fry the vegetables in little oil
4. Add vegetables to cooked chicken (yes, with the stock) and keep boiling
5. Add the thickener. I used corn flour. Potatoes and flour are also options.

It is ready to eat when thick. Serve with rice, pasta, potatoes,... You can also have as an appetizer. The recipe says chicken but I used turkey because that's what I had at home. My only issue with the gravy is that I'm afraid it may be fattening because of the stock. Do share your recipes, I'll be pleased to try and put them up. Thanks for reading, Anuoluwapo.

My male bestie

We make it hard not to judge no thanks to the stupid mistakes we make. It's those of us with stories that touch that amuse me. These stories are more prevalent amongst women.. We open our eyes wide while we pour in pepper. We cry and send stories to SDK.

"We're so much in love. He wishes he could leave his wife but has to stay for the sake of their 4 kids." "I thought marriage would make him stop beating me." "I thought having a baby would make him marry me." "I loved him so much and prayed for a miracle. I married my AS guy, we have 3 SS babies and I'm not sure I still love him" "I didn't know we'll be serious. Now we're madly in love and my father won't let me marry outside my religion." 

These are situations we clearly blindly put ourselves into only to tell stories later. We take our stories to our moms, sisters and trusted girlfriends, which is understandable. We may not even tell them because we don't want to be judged or we had been warned. The annoying part is telling these stories to someone else's bobo. Why should he be the shoulder for you to cry on? Why must you use his handkerchief? That's how you'll have another story to tell. You better take your stories to Jesus because girlfriends are not smiling again. Really, would you be pleased if some chic turns your guy into a cheap therapist?

Some girls' besties have to be guys who happen to be other babes' boyfriends. And they proudly gloat "Bayo is my best friend and there is nothing I can't tell him." Isn't that so Primary School?  Seriously? What is it that you two talk about? Your menstrual cycle? How do you think your (intending) boyfriend would feel about this arrangement? That means a man other than your spouse would be your bestie? A guy would meet and start dating a babe and Aunty would be giving her the "I'm his bestie card" Jonzer! Think about it. This "best friendship" suits single folks and may come between you and happy relationships.

I do not think it is possible for 2 persons of the opposite sex to get very close, hang out indoors and outdoors, share secrets,  and one of them not catching feelings. I stand to be corrected. You smile at and give a girl serious attention/compliments and she's catching feelings. Same goes for the guys. Talkless of giving the "bestie" attention. Friendzone is a lie or can you undress before him? He must be a very dull gentleman. I didn't say pounce on your female friends o. But it's only natural for your body to respond. You may control it but one day na one day...

I do get that something may come up and it's this male friend that would understand but then he is just a friend, a dear friend if you like. Not that you'll call or message him all the time about everything. The girls gossip gist is so stale. Men don't? If no girl is deserving of you, keep your secrets to yourself, abi?

Thank you for reading bloghearts and thanks for sharing the blog. Xo, Anuoluwapo.

*SDK = Stella Dimoko Korkus' blog

My man keeps cheating

Hi Anuoluwapo, how are you doing? I'm so upset and have no one to talk to. My fiancé keeps cheating on me. I've tried almost everything to no avail. Do I call off the engagement? Thank you, Oritoke.


Hello Oritoke dear,
I understand why you're upset but you need to snap out of it after a day, at most two. The way you said "keeps" sounds like you should be used to it by now. I assume you've tried to talk to him, cried, starved, nagged, threatened to break up and maybe broke up, only to make up, talked to his friends, family and prayed. I have some other options for you

1. Settle with him. Turn a blind eye and deaf ear. Love him as he is and keep yourself busy, caring for the kids, family and your career, while still praying for God to miraculously change his ways. This way you seemingly have a happy home.
2. Do 1 above but also nag him, fight anywhere and everywhere, confront his ladies. This way you have an unhappy home. Fire for fire, no pretense. 
3. Understand that you deserve a man who adores you, treats you like the special one you are and would jog across the world for you. :D A man who in the midst of temptation is afraid to lose you. Pack your things, heart, emotions, leave and do not look back. If you take him back, he'll believe you'll always take him back when pressurized. 

That's what I could think out now. I'm sure some bloghearts will add or subtract some things. You should chill, okay? Don't rush to make wedding plans until you're sure. Bless your heart.

Dear bloghearts, thanks for reading. You know you can reach me via tarabauer01@gmail.com and tarabauer_ on instagram, right? Maybe I'll write my version of "Why men love bitches." I'll bring a gravy recipe and I'm still expecting a post from Tayo. Do come back. Xoxo, Anuoluwapo.

Busted!! Hope this made you smile