Older guys Vs Younger guys 2

Okay so we don't wait for you guys maybe because we grew up together and many of you seem like brothers. We've seen you in all your elements, before you knew all about swag and class, with catarrh all over your face. Yea yea, you've seen us with our dresses stained, so what? So anyways, the friendzone is real :p

Okay, so even if you happen to escape from the strong walls of friendzone. After university, the world doesn't let us finish NYSC before they start with their silly interrogatory pleasantaries. "So how is your boyfriend?" "Awon uncle nko?" "Your bobo is taking care of you oh" "Oh girl, you have a wife glow. Something happening soon?" "Did you see Yemi's wedding photos?" Do I need to go on? You can't post a photo online in peace without a stupid "Aunty go and marry" comment. You don't believe? Go check Linda Ikeji and Genevieve Nnaji's pages. After masters and age 26? The pressure is real. An average guy your age isn't ready at 26. Some may not be ready until their mid or late thirties. And if you decide to wait for your high school or college sweetheart, you get harrassed by photos of weddings, babies, dps saying "my husband is the best." Thanks to the society, a lot of ladies can not wait. Love or no love, it's #FastestRouteToTheAltar

Then we see Aunty Tunrayo and Sis Grace who were dumped by their high school and college sweethearts at ages 29 and 33 because their exes had met fresh blooded 21 and 22year olds who tickle their fancy. 8 years on, they are still the subject of every family prayer meeting. No girl wants to be in their shoes. They can't afford to wait only to be dumped. So they leave the guy they love so much for the fastest
 way to the altar.

Oh, most of these guys are jerks with all the youthful exuberance in their bloodstreams. Girls mature faster. At 26, a Friday evening indoors, cooking, eating, dancing, cuddled up infront of the tv, is more fun than bars and clubs. An older guy, who is more likely to be done with that, knows how to treat a woman from his experiences and ready to settle down. He doesn't have time for petty arguments/fights.

Also, sometimes it's easier to submit to the authority of a older guy than a younger one. I should not fail to mention that some ladies are swayed by the freebies they get from working class men.

If you want that girl, you need to grow up fast, get your priorities right and treat her well. Or stop nagging :p Thank you for reading. :* :* :* Anuoluwapo

P.S. When I say older guy, I don't mean aristos, sugar daddies. I'm also not canvassing for older guys. This post talks on some of the reasons babes go for older guys. Maybe we can debate which is better soon.

Older guy Vs Younger guy

I ran into an old classmate who went on about how we girls are getting married and not giving them face. I told him his future wife is probably in Primary 5 or JSS2. He didn't find it funny but I had a good laugh. This leads me to the Older guy Vs Younger guy talk.

In my next post i'll talk about some of the reasons girls don't go for their age mates. Today I want to know what age difference between partners is okay by you, and a reason if any.

Thanks for reading. I hope you'll share your thoughts. Anuoluwapo

My mom and I are expecting

Hi Anu. I'm not pleased. My mum and I are expecting. I feel so ashamed. What would our friends, in-laws, people think/say? So we'll be going for ante-natal together? She's supposed to be helping with my preg and baby. I just needed to talk to someone anonymously. What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Hi hi,
It wasn't funny until you asked what I would do. Why do you want me to imagine it ehn?

Honestly, I think you're making a mountain out of a mole hill, as long as it's her hubby she is pregnant for. Even if it's not her hubby, would you kill her or yourself?

What people would say? Why do you care? Your loved ones may joke about it with you, they would never make a mockery of you. Don't carry yourself like you should be mocked if you don't want to be. Life is too short to be unhappy, make good of the situation. Bond with your mom while you prepare to have your baby and his/her twin.

I hope this helped. Hopefully, you'll read from some bloghearts.  Thanks for writing in.

Thanks to everyone that reaches out. I have attached a photo of Gizzdo that was sent in by a blogheart after getting the recipe from here.Thanks for reading y'all. Much love, Anuoluwapo.

Your woman - The strength of your manhood

In the midst of sad tales of men not knowing the value of and appreciating their women, I see the comments of this very African brother respecting the female folk and I think to myself, he has to write for us. Continue to read what my senior colleague, Arinde Oluwaseun Gbolahan, sent in.

I've seen lots of thread on the value of woman hood, the purported weakness that comes with being a woman, gender equality, providing equal opportunities for men and women, the list is endless. One thing that keeps coming to mind is the inability of many to understand and appreciate the position of this two sexes, their powers, weaknesses, complimentary and supplementary nature.
I smile when I hear young ladies say they don't want to get married simply because they feel men are emotional tyrants on women or that men have dictatorial tendencies on what a woman becomes or makes of her life once she is married. This made me ask the following questions:

1. Are women truly subjects of emotional tyranny from men?

I feel the answer to this question will always be subjective, however there are truths that we can work with to get a meaningful conclusion on this subject. In every rational society, women are openly treated with care and some sense of sanctity, I have never seen where a man and a woman pulls up in a car and the woman comes out to open the door for the man, it doesn't just sound right, because it is known to go the other way round. But does this treatment suggest that the woman is weak? Hell No! In fact I strongly believe women are so strong but most of them have unfortunately failed to realize this beacon of strength within them. A friend of mine was ranting about the need for a lady to do everything a man can do, and I smiled and asked if she can categorically say she can do everything a women can do before usurping some roles known to men. I told her to come back for a discussion the day she can date or marry a man that doesn't mind looking at the mirror a hundred times in a day.

The truth is this, some women really suck at being a woman but are eagerly hoping to usurp roles that do belong to them. In a recent comment of mine I opined that A woman that can create a value in her self will never be regarded as an invalid or a weakling, and that in fact a man that doesn't create a value in himself will be regarded as an invalid by women, every woman should strive to create value in themselves and watch men roll over before them. However the mere fact that some women are treated as invalid might be because they consented to it as no one can condescend on you except with your permission.

On the whole I always tell ladies to stop looking for the right guy, but to start being the right woman guys want to die for. Because there in lies just the beginning of that beacon of strength in their womanhood.

2. Do women become less purposeful in life once they are married?

My opinion on this is that a woman can achieve everything and more that they set out to achieve even in marriage. What so ever thing that is worth doing at all is worth doing well, no woman should kill her legitimate dreams because of marriage. Her first dream however should be to marry the right man and to be the right woman for him.

A woman that got married as an NCE holder, went for a university degree, raised 4 strong boys, in the midst of over 17 other extended relatives, also went ahead to get her masters, and by the time her last born was in 300 level, she got a PHD like her husband, thanks to her husbands persistence and encouragement, in my opinion, that's success! even as a married woman.

In a recent comment of mine I posited that the blessedness or otherwise of personal achievements vis a vis getting married is a very subjective discussion. There are so many women that desired to get married but for one reason or the other failed in marriage but succeeded in other areas of life, it goes without saying also that an unmarried woman will naturally transmute more energy into personal achievements. Marriage comes with a lot of responsibilities which is why the society we find our self appreciates married and successful women more than successful but unmarried women and same goes for men. On the whole I believe marriage should channel a woman to her legitimate dreams and not drive her from it, she must ensure she is the the greatest investment her husband ever had.

I believe every men should see their wives as their greatest investment, because in them lies the strength of their manhood.

There are men who have been raised by queens and know to treat women as the queens that they are. Thanks for the write up Barr. Seun, bless your heart. Thanks for reading, Anuoluwapo.

Feminists or hypocrites?

So I read about a female corper who was decamped in Delta state for slapping a male colleague. I tried to find out the guy's action that prompted her to slap him to no avail. Could it be that he touched her, said something nasty, a misunderstanding or an argument gone wrong? If he touched her, it could have been reflex but do you think that justifies the slap?

There was a debate as to whether or not the punishment was fair or harsh. Some ladies were quick to say the punishment was unfair for just a slap not minding what triggered it. Meaning even if she has anger issues, she shouldn't have been disciplined in such manner. How is a slap "just?" Aren't we hypocrites? Later we'll form feminists and share sad tales about men not treating us well. If it were the guy that slapped her, i'm sure he would have been crucified no matter his excuse for doing so. I've not seen feminists tweet against her action.

Getting physical is never allowed. There are better ways of expressing displeasure/anger or having an offender disciplined. It is rather shameful seeing a graduate metamorphose into a tout. What if the guy had beat her blue black before solders waded in? Some girls can be very saucy. They even brag about being rude. I pray you never cross paths with a seemingly gentle but ungentleman. You know he would have dealt with you well before people may rise to your defence?

Nobody should be hitting the other. Maturity, experiences and education should teach us to be calm and give us the ability to ignore, walk away and not dignify every foolish (in)action with a response. Thank you for reading. Have a good good week, Anuoluwapo.

P.S. Despite talks about men not appreciating or knowing the value of women, there are men who do. One of such men has sent in a post you don't want to miss.

It takes two better halves

My dear Eniwealth wanted me to write on equality in marriage in relation to doing chores in the home. My conclusion is that a wife can successfully run a happy home, doing chores, cooking, catering to the kids and hubby. When the hubby helps out, it's sweet, thoughtful and everyone is happier. Continue to read what I sent to her.

It's important to know and understand the theory of marriage and how it works to some extent. If you can't cook, do chores and be submissive, don't go into marriage. The primary responsibilities are to cater to your family, provide the necessary satisfactions, birth kids and smile while at it. You may only work to augment what the hubby brings home, only if it doesn't adversely affect the family. And oh, loads of patience. Hubby is lord, please him. Isn't that the African mentally we're taught? It did work for our mothers.

It, however, doesn't always work this way now. The 21st century babe is getting educated, paid and paying her bills. She doesn't depend on a man to be happy or fulfilled. She has goals she's not ready to give up. She compartmentalises her life - Wife, mother, entrepreneur. She travels the world for business and pleasure. She doesn't tie wrapper simply because she is a Mrs or Mom.

It's hard to have a woman who works 8am-8pm to provide 3meals/day for the family and do the chores. A traditional man would rather she takes a teaching/ministry job and close by 4pm or have no ambition because he can not see himself bathing his kids or helping around his house. If the wife takes the have loads of patience and perseverance advice, there may be a few nags here and there but she'll gba kamu and be happy.

A man who loves his wife and understands the importance of friendship in marriage would help his wife. It makes marriage a lot easier. Between the wife chopping onions and hubby adding curry and thyme, there is bound to be lots of laughter and playfulness. The gap between older generation couples is filled up. Mommy isn't scared of daddy and doesn't have to yes sir him. They share chores or do almost everything together, imagine how intimate they would be. They radiate love, happiness and can't help PDAing. She wouldn't even be too 
tired to give him some *wink* How will hubby give you breakfast in bed and you won't have a great day. A domestic help can never fill the gap. Their offspring grows up to be happy, loving and kind, understanding that the opposite sex isn't an object and shouldn't be used.

The minute a wife thinks she is equal to her man is the minute problems start. A man's ego can't take it. I'm not saying the man is better. After all, the home is the wife's to run. She is the neck that guides the head. She only needs to submit, grease his ego and he'll leave her to make reasonable decisions. When he feels superior to the wife and leaves the chores to her, she may persevere and choose to be happy. But when he helps out in the house, everybody is happier.

*gba kamu = take it in it's stride

 yes sir = be formal

 PDA = public display of affection

You should read what Eniwealth went on to say  here And oh, she's having a giveaway on her blog. *winks* Thank you for reading, Anuoluwapo.

Lessons from Africa Magic

• You can go from being a paraga seller to being the wife of a young responsible rich man #Adebisiparaga
• If you don't know a jazzman, your friend does.
• Suffer with no man. He'll misbehave when he hammers.
• Suffer with your man. He'll treat you right when he hammers *sigh*
• Your sugar daddy would be related to the man you fall in love with
• Your mother in-law is of the devil #patienceozokwor
• Gatemen are eternally foolish.
• Your friends want to snatch your man.
• Yoruba ladies must have big belle and wear tight clothes.
• Don't travel to your village. Everyone is a witch there.
• Be nice to people and give alms.
• Don't give alms, the money may be used for rituals.
• Trust no one!!!
• You can fall in love with and marry the man that killed your father.
• Don't take marriage advice from friends, they are jealous and want your marriage to crash.
• Don't flaunt your spouse/kids/good life.
• Pray and fast on all your wedding gifts.
• Don't attend parties that have colour codes, you'll die #Jenifa
• It is the poor person you help that would help save your life.
• If you're too career oriented, your maid would snatch your hubby.
• Don't allow anyone live with you and your spouse.
• Hide your pregnancy as much as you can.
• An abandoned/denied child succeeds in life.
• Your jazz would backfire and you'll run mad.
• If it sounds too good to be real, it probably is #Jenifa
• You will become rich if you've been oppressed by the rich.
• In laws take everything and leave the widow and her children to suffer.
• All that glitters is not gold.
• The society is full of pretenders #Alakada
• Don't introduce your friends to your dad. They may start dating.

The movies may seem stupid, silly or tend to give sleepless nights/paranoia but many do pass good life lessons. Hope you enjoyed this fun post. Feel free to add yours or just have a good laugh. Thanks for reading, Anuoluwapo.

My love language

Each person has a love language we must learn to "speak" if we want that person to feel loved, whether or not we agree with them. Here are the main 6 love languages:

1. Acts of service: This seems to be the most important love language to me. Stop telling me you love me, act the part already. Actions speak louder than words, yeah? The blind can "see" it and the deaf can "hear" it. It's being kind, attentive and helpful.
2. Gifts: Who doesn't love gifts? They can say "I love you" loud and clear. Good part is you don't have to get a loan or clear your account. A pair of earrings/socks, scarf,..., with a note that reads "I saw this dress and imagined how beautiful you'll make it look." It could be a card or a letter from your heart.
3. Quality time: Spending time with and killing bae with attention. You need to know how much attention your partner loves. Some want it all day, all year. They want frequent calls in a day, to be on your dp like it's their phone, throw tantrums or sulk if they don't get the attention for a few hours. While some want it but would also appreciate their "me time."
4. Words of affirmation could be compliments or spoken appreciation. If this is your partner's love language, watch life sprout in your relationship as you speak it.
5. Physical touch includes touching the shoulders, holding hands, kissing, massages, sex... This may be the language that makes your partner feel wanted, special and loved.
6. Food: The way to a man's heart is through the  stomach. Treat your woman to breakfast in bed or have her watch her favourite show while you make dinner. She'll thank God for making you hers if it's her love language.

Thank you for reading. Much love, Anuoluwapo

A little wine?

Three sundays ago, I couldn't help but notice that the passage the preacher read mentioned drunkards but he implied having a sip is a sin. Does having a little drink make one a drunkard? The first miracle performed was to turn water to very good wine. I guess you know the best of wines isn't fruit wine. "The son of Man came eating and drinking, and you say, 'Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and "sinners".'  Luke 7:34 Jesus was accused of drinking meaning he drank, no matter how little. The only people prohibited from drinking in the Bible are nazarites who also don't cut their hair.

A little piña colanda, chapman or wine won't kill. Don't the medical people recommend a little red wine often? If you want to be judgemental, you should always make your chapman, cake and food at home or be sure that alcohol wasn't used. There are many other verses that okay moderate alcohol. I'm not a drunk. I also don't think drinking is a sin. In my opinion, it's getting tipsy/drunk, losing control of one's self, and the addiction to it that's sin. Just like the addiction to one's kids or spouse, idolatry, is sin.

I can imagine some people shaking their heads. I'm sorry but we can't always have the same conclusions. Please do comment, i'll love to know what you think. Don't put anyone down while at it. Thanks for reading. Xo, Anuoluwapo 

The third party

This post was birth from the previous one. I'm of the belief that one should keep one's relationship issues to one's self. You don't throw "Dayo cheated on me" or even "Tina nags" around, not even to your sister or bestie. I'm not saying cheating or snapping is cool. I'm just trying to paint the picture that no matter what, keep it to yourself as much as possible, reasonably of course. These are my reasons:

• Your friend would look at and treat your partner in the light you have painted him/her. No matter how mature your friend is, she will never really forget.
• When you've told someone, it's no more a secret/private. If you don't want your matter on people's lips, keep it to yourself.
• After tempers have calmed, you may forgive your partner and continue the relationship where you stopped. You need to understand that when you hurt, your loved ones hurt. When you forgive your man and get back together, it's hard for them to approve because they are still hurting, want to protect you and think you deserve better. It's easy for you to forgive because you're the one in love and you understand your partner better. It really isn't their fault. Maybe you should stop involving.
• Don't be surprised when your friend uses what you tell her against you in future. It could be as an insult, blackmail or husband snatching something #AfricanMagicSomethings.
• A relationship is between two mature individuals. Talking about your relationship to a third party is being unfair to your partner. Speak to your partner, don't speak against him. Even if you're breaking up, nobody needs to know what went down between you two.

Shoutout to blogheart Bibi Sparkles and bloghearts who message me, thanks for the kind words, bless your hearts. Thanks to the lovely bloghearts who do not fail to tell me how much they love the blog when I run into them. I faced a panel of 3 in an interview recently. One of them wouldn't stop saying how much he loves the blog and I could see the others warming up to me. My mom heard about this blog from her friend who thinks it is amazing. I'm really grateful to you for reading and supporting me. Please don't stop. All my love, Anuoluwapo.

P.S. Note the how I used the word reasonably. Don't keep abuse, physical or psychological, to yourself, run!