In the midst of sad tales of men not knowing the value of and appreciating their women, I see the comments of this very African brother respecting the female folk and I think to myself, he has to write for us. Continue to read what my senior colleague, Arinde Oluwaseun Gbolahan, sent in.
I've seen lots of thread on the value of woman hood, the purported weakness that comes with being a woman, gender equality, providing equal opportunities for men and women, the list is endless. One thing that keeps coming to mind is the inability of many to understand and appreciate the position of this two sexes, their powers, weaknesses, complimentary and supplementary nature.
I smile when I hear young ladies say they don't want to get married simply because they feel men are emotional tyrants on women or that men have dictatorial tendencies on what a woman becomes or makes of her life once she is married. This made me ask the following questions:
1. Are women truly subjects of emotional tyranny from men?
I feel the answer to this question will always be subjective, however there are truths that we can work with to get a meaningful conclusion on this subject. In every rational society, women are openly treated with care and some sense of sanctity, I have never seen where a man and a woman pulls up in a car and the woman comes out to open the door for the man, it doesn't just sound right, because it is known to go the other way round. But does this treatment suggest that the woman is weak? Hell No! In fact I strongly believe women are so strong but most of them have unfortunately failed to realize this beacon of strength within them. A friend of mine was ranting about the need for a lady to do everything a man can do, and I smiled and asked if she can categorically say she can do everything a women can do before usurping some roles known to men. I told her to come back for a discussion the day she can date or marry a man that doesn't mind looking at the mirror a hundred times in a day.
The truth is this, some women really suck at being a woman but are eagerly hoping to usurp roles that do belong to them. In a recent comment of mine I opined that A woman that can create a value in her self will never be regarded as an invalid or a weakling, and that in fact a man that doesn't create a value in himself will be regarded as an invalid by women, every woman should strive to create value in themselves and watch men roll over before them. However the mere fact that some women are treated as invalid might be because they consented to it as no one can condescend on you except with your permission.
On the whole I always tell ladies to stop looking for the right guy, but to start being the right woman guys want to die for. Because there in lies just the beginning of that beacon of strength in their womanhood.
2. Do women become less purposeful in life once they are married?
My opinion on this is that a woman can achieve everything and more that they set out to achieve even in marriage. What so ever thing that is worth doing at all is worth doing well, no woman should kill her legitimate dreams because of marriage. Her first dream however should be to marry the right man and to be the right woman for him.
A woman that got married as an NCE holder, went for a university degree, raised 4 strong boys, in the midst of over 17 other extended relatives, also went ahead to get her masters, and by the time her last born was in 300 level, she got a PHD like her husband, thanks to her husbands persistence and encouragement, in my opinion, that's success! even as a married woman.
In a recent comment of mine I posited that the blessedness or otherwise of personal achievements vis a vis getting married is a very subjective discussion. There are so many women that desired to get married but for one reason or the other failed in marriage but succeeded in other areas of life, it goes without saying also that an unmarried woman will naturally transmute more energy into personal achievements. Marriage comes with a lot of responsibilities which is why the society we find our self appreciates married and successful women more than successful but unmarried women and same goes for men. On the whole I believe marriage should channel a woman to her legitimate dreams and not drive her from it, she must ensure she is the the greatest investment her husband ever had.
I believe every men should see their wives as their greatest investment, because in them lies the strength of their manhood.
There are men who have been raised by queens and know to treat women as the queens that they are. Thanks for the write up Barr. Seun, bless your heart. Thanks for reading, Anuoluwapo.