Saturday, 1 November 2014

The third party

This post was birth from the previous one. I'm of the belief that one should keep one's relationship issues to one's self. You don't throw "Dayo cheated on me" or even "Tina nags" around, not even to your sister or bestie. I'm not saying cheating or snapping is cool. I'm just trying to paint the picture that no matter what, keep it to yourself as much as possible, reasonably of course. These are my reasons:

  • Your friend would look at and treat your partner in the light you have painted him/her. No matter how mature your friend is, she will never really forget.
  • When you've told someone, it's no more a secret/private. If you don't want your matter on people's lips, keep it to yourself.
  • After tempers have calmed, you may forgive your partner and continue the relationship where you stopped. You need to understand that when you hurt, your loved ones hurt. When you forgive your man and get back together, it's hard for them to approve because they are still hurting, want to protect you and think you deserve better. It's easy for you to forgive because you're the one in love and you understand your partner better. It really isn't their fault. Maybe you should stop involving.
  • Don't be surprised when your friend uses what you tell her against you in future. It could be as an insult, blackmail or husband snatching something #AfricanMagicSomethings.
  • A relationship is between two mature individuals. Talking about your relationship to a third party is being unfair to your partner. Speak to your partner, don't speak against him. Even if you're breaking up, nobody needs to know what went down between you two.
Shoutout to blogheart Bibi Sparkles and bloghearts who message me, thanks for the kind words, bless your hearts. Thanks to the lovely bloghearts who do not fail to tell me how much they love the blog when I run into them. I faced a panel of 3 in an interview recently. One of them wouldn't stop saying how much he loves the blog and I could see the others warming up to me. My mom heard about this blog from her friend who thinks it is amazing. I'm really grateful to you for reading and supporting me. Please don't stop. All my love, Anuoluwapo.

P.S. Note the how I used the word reasonably. Don't keep abuse, physical or psychological, to yourself, run!

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Anu, first I'd like to compliment you on your blog. You write well and your topics are well chosen, researched and your conclusions reasonable. You are actually quite well grounded and sensible for your age bracket (no offence meant honestly). Back to the issue at hand, I agree with you in principle about not airing your dirty marital linen to all and sundry. However, if you have a good/older friend or elder sister/long standing prayer partner who is godly, mature, not a tattler and a confidant, you may share some of your challenges marital or otherwise with that person. You'll have the benefit of a different perspective, godly counsel, prayer and moral support from such a person. I have been a beneficiary of such support and have been privileged to offer such when asked. Yet no one has broadcasted my business all over the place. And believe me, I have weathered some pretty tough storms in my over 20 yrs of marriage by the grace of God and the support of some select godly people at different times. Don't wait till you are at breaking point or your case is extreme. There is no problem you have that is unique to you or unsolvable. Don't die of hypertension trying to preserve your privacy. Love you girl! (Hugs).

Anuoluwapo said...

I'm grateful for this ma. You're right but meeting such a person is a problem. I guess that's where "reasonably" comes in :D that's me feeling smart

Anonymous said...

:D that's me laughing too...but seriously, indeed it's a sad thing that in 20+years of existence you haven't such friend (hug).

Anuoluwapo said...

I guess I'm sounding like a loner with no support system. I have an amazing family. I'm not one to talk/dwell on issues but I know if I need someone I don't have to go far. Why do I think you're my aunt?

Anuoluwapo said...

I appreciate you ma. Please comment often

Esquire said...

there is a saying that goes thus: a problem shared is half solved. well, not in all circumstances sha. sometimes a problem shared is even gets worse than before it was shared. lol exactly the point Bar. Anu is putting across, however, i believe that in out walk through life, we need to find or search for matured, true, godly friends we can share our issues with especially when things seem to get out of hand. eg your pastor or an elder/deacon or a friend who has the right qualities. the bible says there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. thats the kind of friends we are talking about. Walking through life as a loner can be terrible at times especially when your spouse who is supposed to be that friend is the very problem you have.

for example: a lady goes to work with some bruises on her face and hand (her husband had used her as a punching bag for rehersals) lol. what happened to you? they ask. her response is i fell down oh. 2 weeks later he same thing.

Wisdom is profitable to direct.

God bless

Anonymous said...

Anu, I think people should beware of what d Yorubas call "eti keta". Again, it's a problem shared with God that is solved, pple should not be deceived. Love anon 08:19's comment but I beg to differ cos every confidant has a confidant that has a confidant..... it goes on and on till it gets out where u don't want it to be.

Anuoluwapo said...

Thank you

Anuoluwapo said...

Thank you

Hafsat Oloriegbe said...

No offence, buh God wldnt jump down from heaven to help, he wl mostly help tru someone, I agree wth d first person who commented, wen talking to God, pray to him to show u a person who wl listen and make ur burden lighter, coz trust me,we all need sm1 at a point in our lives, dt wl serve as guide, prefferably sm1 older and godly, u wl knw d person wen u see him or her, u dnt need a soothsayer for dt one, kip up d gud work Anu dear.

Anuoluwapo said...

"I'm just trying to paint the picture that no matter what, keep it to yourself as much as possible, REASONABLY of course."
Thanks babes :*