Emotional blackmailers

Bloghearts!!
It's been a year. I hope everyone is doing great. I'm very well too, thank you. I had been meaning to come back for a while but I've been occupied with some other things, lazy and had some difficulty signing into my account. Here I am now. I will not post everyday but I'll try to do so often. I posted this on Facebook a few days back, I just edited it and thought we could start with that.

"I've been through so much, family and friends deserted me. What pained me the most is my cousin that didn't help me with money to complete my house rent." 

I don't understand why people feel so entitled. "My uncle is stingy, my sister is selfish. She traveled and did not bring anything for me"  Did you pay for her ticket? Did you put money in her pocket? Do you know that she couldn't buy enough goods for her store due to lack of funds. No, you just talk without thinking. You have no idea what your uncle is going through, he desperately trying to raise money to repay the loan he took before the bank takes over his house. Your childhood friend who hasn't sent anything to you had his containers seized. How will you know when you think only about yourself? Bad friend. You have no idea how your brother is praying, fasting and hustling just so he can set up or expand his business. No, you're just inconsiderate. Your family friend that has been frequenting the U. K, India and Dubai has been trying to get help for her sick child. Yes, she posts pictures on social media because she is trying to create memories. Your nephew doesn't have any responsibilities because he isn't married so he should spend all his money on you, abi? Is it when he marries that he should start saving? He can as well not get a job until he gets married. Even if he has decided not to marry, he has something called a future ahead of him. But excuse me sir, what happened to your own hands that you can't work? Haha, you're old? If the young man doesn't start saving now, he'll end up like you - old and broke. 

Everybody has their issues. Some people carry their crosses and smile while at it. If you don't want to smile, fine, just carry your cross and don't nag others to death. Prayerfully make a plan and start working towards your goals. Help rarely comes to idle hands.

Please stop blackmailing people emotionally, they are not God. I'm not in any way excusing stinginess but if you feel no entitlement and choose to be considerate, whether or not you know what's up with them, you're unlikely to get hurt. 
No, I'm not angry. I listened to a testimony where the lady bashed her relatives and friends for not doing enough for her. We don't know their stories, we want to be considerate and besides, we have no interest in taking sides, right? 
Thanks to everyone who has been on my neck to come back.
Love,
Anuoluwapo.

Lets have a baby, abroad!

It seems to me that having one's children abroad is the in thing now. Everybody aspires to join the club of mothers of "Tokunbos." You go and give birth abroad, inconvenience the people you stay with. You even inconvenience yourself because you can't be as comfortable as you would be in your home. In Nigeria, you have family, friends, church members, neighbours and even strangers going out of their way to help you. Want everyone at your beck and call? Have a baby! Okay, I exaggerated a little but you get what I mean right?

Who has time to be with and help you abroad? You're lucky if you get one or two helping out a bit. In my world, a woman who just put to bed should only bathe, eat, feed her baby, sleep and attend to guests whenever she can. That's the only time some women get pampered by their inlaws. My point is coming from the African tradition, you don't get the help you need when you're alone abroad. Well, except you have a vacation home and domestic staff over there. Squatting, when its not nescessary, with someone is not it

Some travel to countries where their children would not even become citizens by virtue of being born there. So really, what's the point? I know someone who had a baby abroad and was back within 4 days because bills were piling up. Is that even safe for the mother and child? I know another babe who came back really skinny with her child after 2 months. Apparently, her mil went with her but she couldn't help out in any way because of her age. Hence, she really was on her own.

The state of the health care sector in Nigeria is a story for another day but not like delivery na. Where complications that the doctors can not handle may arise, the doctors would have advised the pregnant lady. I read a post where someone said she had issues and flew to her gynaecologist in New York or so. I think its a total waste of money. Our gynaecologists are really good. Some people travel abroad for medical check up. How will our health care sector grow that way? As medical tourism grows, our healthcare sector suffers. Let our doctors do their jobs. Yes there are some cases that need to be flown out but not like headache, malaria, typhoid,... Why not travel abroad for your weekly ante natal?

Someone told me if he has 12million naira, he'll rather have his wife deliver their 3rd child abroad than buy a property or invest in business. Seriously???

What do you think? I love you for reading, Anuoluwapo.

Independence Day Giveaway

Happy Independence Day Nigerians! Long life and prosperity, death to corruption in Jesus' name. Amen!

I look forward to a Nigeria where you don't have to know a governor or be a child of an oga at the top to get a good job or contract. A Nigeria where merit means something. A Nigeria where corrupt leaders are prosecuted and shamed by all. A Nigeria where living/schooling overseas does not seem glamorous. After all, its harder to get into a federal university in Nigeria than a school abroad. A Nigeria where politics requires hardworking diligent persons who are passionate about good governance and not their pockets. A Nigeria where children of corrupt leaders are ashamed to post their parents ill-gotten wealth on social media. A Nigeria with free and quality healthcare. Don't you think government officials should be stopped from seeking medical treatments abroad especially when we have competent hands on ground here? Or perhaps unlike the masses, they have two heads. Abi, why should anyone travel out to treat malaria, thyphoid or to have a baby? #GistForAnotherDay.

Drastic measures need to be taken about the condition of public schools and fast. If the children of these "rich" people go to public schools, I'm sure the story would be different. A Nigeria where we do not have to rely on imported goods so much. Imported clothes, imported cereals, even imported sense. Choosing "oyinbo" mentality and mannerisms over our Africans ways. A Nigeria where OAPs can be proud to speak like the Nigerians that they are #GistsForAnotherDay.

A Nigeria with free Wi-Fi? :D Yes please! Constant power supply and water should come quickly. Lack of/erratic power supply is killing businesses. How about water? *sigh* I was sleeping soundly until NEPA held the light again. Am I the only one who still says NEPA and not PHCN? Now the baby girl is wide awake. Thanks again NEPA *side eye*

What are your wishes for Nigeria? What would you be doing today? Why are you excited about today? Don't tell me its only because today is a public holiday. It sounds like a valid one to me anyways.

To the giveaway: The photos posted are by @banjyteimagery in celebration of Nigeria's 55th Independence Anniversary. I love them all. He is also kind enough to give a reader of this blog a free portrait session. Great right? To win this giveaway, you need to follow @banjyteimagery and @anutoki on instagram. Post (or repost from either of our handles) at least one of the independence day themed pictures. Tag @banjyteimagery and @anutoki Mention your friends to like. The post with the highest likes wins. Simple as ABC. Contest starts now and ends by 12noon on October 10th. Hurry now to give yourself an head start. This giveaway has to be redeemed in Ilorin. It is also transferable.

Have a great celebration. Thanks Mr Banjyte for the giveaway. Thank you for reading. I hope to read from you in the comments. I love you for reading, Anuoluwapo.

ABH's Empowerment training 1

Hi bloghearts, had a good week? Yeah, TGIF! So, Alma Benevolence Home had a 4 day intensive empowerment/entrepreneural training for mothers having financial difficulties raising their children. Being the first of its kind, the turn out was low but the stress of putting it together wasn't. It started on the 4th of August. The trainees thereafter started and are still on their internship.

I want to thank everyone who made the project a success through their prayers, financial and moral supports. We got the venue, Latara Events' Place, for free. The trainers trained for free. We only had to pay for products/materials. We were on a tight budget so the host venue and trainers provided some of their materials/products to us for free. God bless you wonderful people.

The environment was so friendly and beautiful. You wouldn't believe most of us just met. The trainers are young and down to earth but mighty people. They know what they are doing. I would tell them to show up by 7am and they would. Amazing people, they really co-operated. I shared the idea with some people who snubbed me. Some friends and strangers, who have become friends, embraced it despite their busy schedules. Adeola (aloeday) has been my friend since 2007. It was more like I informed her :d I had makeup in mind when I told her but no one could have taught small chops better. Gloria was a sweet acquaintance I met through a dear baker friend. I had never met Toyyibah. She just had a baby and some plenty long story I don't want to get into now. I tried my best to dissuade her from coming but for where? She managed to come and was very active on the 4th day. I've known Mopelola since we were in jss1. I kept calling her round the clock. She was the organiser! I've known Fatima for too long, where do I start? She was a very friendly senior in secondary school and school mother in law school :d I had never met Adeola(ritarose) but she's so amazing, she is my sis/friend whether she likes it or not. Billie is my friend cum rival that I love so much. I informed her about the project and stressed her well. Banji is my brother and foodie who wasn't in touch ehn. Banji, repent because you lose your sis o. I met Kay (Michael Bolaji) at my wedding and that was about all. He is now my friend! I've know Lolade for some years. She was in between an acquaintance and a friend but she has ported now. I wonder if I went there to make friends. I've known Modupe for a while now. She can do everything -aso oke, Ankara shoes/bags/accessories and beads. She was ready to teach anything we asked her to. Ayo is the real MVP. She heard of the programme and reached out to me. There's nothing like being around people with kind hearts. God bless their businesses.

Here are their names and contacts so you can patronise them.

• Venue: Latara Events' Place 08133352000 www.lataraeventsventures.com 
• Small chops: Adeola 07014455668 @aloeday on instagram
• Cake making: Gloria 08144779484 @lareina_cakes on instagram and Toyyibah 08069338925 @toyyibah22
• Fashion designing: Mopelola 08131212312 @235couture and Fatima 07033182618 @teemayusuf 
• Makeup and gele: Adeola 08077362035 @ritarosebeauty and Billie 08032199782 @facesbybcooke
• Photography: Banji 08160003164 @banjyteimagery and Kay 07064709763 @michealbolajiphotography
• Beads: Lolade 07015384254 @loladeeey and Modupe: 08169460005 @cutie_doopsy
• Soap making: Ayo 08124723970

Now, these weren't the only people who showed interest in training and were excited about the cause. The others couldn't make it due to work, school,... They include Eniwealth,
Motunrayo(baker) @distinctcakes Lolade(baker) 08089237563, Bimbo, Morountodun, Tayo(makeup) @durotit I can't mention everyone's names. If you supported the cause in any way, I thank you.

We have so many beautiful photos from the programme. I feel this post is lengthy (hope I didn't bore you). I'll post pictures tomorrow. Thank you again everyone. Special shout out to the hubs and my mom. Love you plenty.

I love you for reading,
Anuoluwapo

Hello guys

Hi bloghearts, how are you doing? I'm so sorry for being MIA. I planned to be back on September 1st but life happens. Apologies accepted?

Since my last post a lot of things have happened. Wrote exams and working on my project (please pray that I come out successful). Oh yes, ALMA BENEVOLENCE HOME's project was successful. Thanks to every kind heart that supported the cause. We would talk about that in subsequent posts. It was my birthday. I'm surprised some of you remembered. Thanks for the wishes. My grandmom was 80! Igniting my business again, kindly subscribe to my bbm channel (C00447DC8) to see what I have. In all, God has been faithful.

So I'm back. If you have any topic(s) you'll like us to talk about, please share in the comment section or send to tarabauer01@gmail.com

I love you for reading,
Anuoluwapo

*MIA = Missing In Action

About Rehab

I was reading about Rehab the prostitute, again, a few days ago and I saw it in a different light or perhaps I understood better. God can use anyone. He may choose to use a virgin (Mary), a terrorist (Saul), a nobody (Gideon) or a prostitute. "Oh, nothing good can come out of that chimney. Can't you see he doesn't even do cigarettes again" "That one, she has 4 kids for 4 baby daddies and a 5th on the way. Just forget about her." "She leaked her sex tape to get famous, what kind of life do you think she would have?" "Who is his father again? Like father, like riffraff son" "What do you expect from a woman who has tattooed her whole body?" Now don't give me that Anu what are you talking about look. We all do it. We're all guilty of stereotyping.

I can imagine the side eyes Rehab's family would have been getting in church. How the sisters would talk hush hush as she walked pass. Many of us even know how to communicate with friends with our eyes. How her mother would have been called a failure and how the men would have talked down on the father "Raise your daughter first before you worry yourself about the decisions we make at our meetings." How Gideon would have been refused admission to the Law School or how he would have been jobless 10years after school because his father had no connections.

I'm not trying to encourage reckless living. By all means, live a good life. My point is that we shouldn't be so quick to condemn people. Nobody is better than the other. Nobody knows tomorrow. I imagined people who wanted nothing to do with Rehab begging to be let into her apartment when the Israelites took Jericho. Their living depended on whether or not they were in her home. The poor guy you don't want to associate with today may "hammer" anytime. At least we all know someone who had no shoes, as a child, was once the president of Nigeria. How about Oprah?..

I'm sure you get my point. Thanks for reading bloghearts. Xo, Anuoluwapo

Free trainings

Hello dear bloghearts, how are you? Had a good weekend I suppose. I'll love to share an idea with you. An empowerment programme is being planned for financially challenged single moms/widows where they can learn basics which would enable them set up small businesses of their own. The overall aim is to better the lives of their children. Everyone deserves a happy childhood with education, decent food and clothing, yeah? This is one of the programmes we have. In the past 3 months we've visited the beautiful children at Kwara state's orphanage and Hope Orphanage, Idofian. We plan to do much more but need your help.

We're partnering with kind hearted business owners to train the participants. We would pay for the materials, provide start up capital for some, if not all of them and place some of them as interns under professionals for more further training. All they have to do is to get themselves to the venue. They do not even have to buy forms, it's completely free.

We need you to be a part by helping with publicity. Share with everyone on every social media platform you're on. We also need to reach radio/tv presenters/stations and bloggers in Ilorin. We need companies into food/drinks to partner with us. We need more people with large hearts who are willing to train free of charge. Soap makers, web designers, bakers, bead makers, caterers, photographers, fashion designers, as long as you can teach a skill, we need you. Ofcourse we need money. I assure you nothing is too small. Help us raise funds. Be sure we'll be accountable. God bless your kind hearts. To help, please call 07069066083 or e-mail anutoki@gmail.com.

Continue to read the broadcasts we're sending around. Feel free to share it and this post.
Good news for struggling single moms/widows! Alma Benevolence Home brings to you an empowerment training at no cost. Courses include photography, make-up, baking, small chops, ankara shoe and bag, bead making, tailoring and lots more. To register, send your full names, phone no, age and 3 desired courses to 07069066083 by 11th July. Please don't keep to yourself, share with others.

Thanks for reading. Waiting to hear from you, Anuoluwapo.

#trustissues #spiritualsomethings

Hi bloghearts, how are you doing? I've been ruminating over a conversation I had with a couple during the week and thought to hear from you.

1. Is trust knowing what someone can and can not do? Is it possible to trust someone a 100%? Can trust be quantified? Or is trust a "either you do or you don't", no mid-way thing? Can you trust someone on something and not on another? #trustissues
2. If anyone should be more "spiritual" than the other in a relationship, who should it be? The hubby or wife and why? #spiritualsomethings

I don't think that, as a norm, a particular sex should be more spiritual than the other. It depends on the individuals in the relationship. I hope to read from you. Please feel free to ask loved ones and share their opinions. Thanks for reading. Have a good good weekend. Xo, Anuoluwapo.

Feel among

It's disheartening to see 29 year olds influenced negatively by their peers. Oh, wait for it, 55 year olds are also being influenced. When someone says peer pressure, we're quick to think of children and teenagers. Sorry ma, if you're picking aso-ebi you can't afford, you're succumbing to pressure. If you're buying cars or even meals you can't afford so you can post on instagram, you're there. If you're contributing money in church not because you want to give to God but because you can't genuinely say "I'm sorry I can't give anything now". How about getting married because your friends are doing so?

You do things because you want to "b'egbe pe". Your mates are starting businesses, building their conglomerates from scratch. Yes, your mates are also buying designer everything and flying around the world. It's up to you to choose, stupidly or otherwise, where you belong. It doesn't have to be a bad thing, like stealing, doing drugs or runs. As long as you're doing something because others are doing it, you're wrong.

Thanks for reading bloghearts. Xo, Anuoluwapo.

*B'egbe pe = feel among

Sex selection

Hi bloghearts, how are you doing? Having a good week I hope. It's graduate seminar week in school and 2 topics, besides mine, have gotten my attention. We'll discuss one today.

Sex selection allows parents of a non-existent foetus choose its sex. It may be done for medical reasons as in a situation where there is a risk of a parent passing a serious genetic condition to an offspring of a particular sex. It can also be done for non-medical reasons such as family balancing. The most discussed method, which is a form of IVF and has been legalized in the U.K., is the pre-implantation genetic diagosis (PGD).

It sounds brilliant, yea? You can wish for 2 daughters and 2 sons and have just that without having to pray and involve God. No please. Anyway, sperm and eggs are harvested and brought together. One or more "foetuses" of the desired sex are transplanted into the woman and the others discarded. To me, it is tantamount to having an abortion. If you can tell the sex, it's not just a non-existent foetus. It has a right to life, just as an unborn child does.

The presenter seemed to be advocating for the legalization of non-medical sex selection for family balancing and other social reasons. A point she raised is that its illegality affects the economy adversely as couples with female children keep having kids in the search for a male child.

I have no problem with the medical reasons. However, In this part of the world, this "beautiful" non-medical idea  would have a consequence of an heightened level of gender discrimination against women, don't you think? There is already a discrimination we should fight and not fuel.

Family balancing is not bad but in Africa, people prefer sons over daughters. A man gave a testimony in church that his wife had delivered a baby. He had to come back to say it was a boy as if boys are better and the congregation cheered like boys are better. A mother of 3 boys usually locks "shop" and is content with her kids. Whereas, a mother of 5 girls would keep trying for a male heir, or an "arole" as Yorubas would call it, and in the process have kids she can't raise.

It's getting better now as people are more enlightened and understand that the sex of the child doesn't determine his/her successes. The introduction of this family balancing technique would bring back the slowly dying discrimination with a big bang. I don't think the answer is legalization of the practice but enlightenment of people that children are wonderful gifts from God whether male or female, with neither being inferior to the other. Maybe when that is achieved and people are not pressured into having male children, we can think of legalizing sex selection for non-medical reasons.

Thanks for reading guys, Anuoluwapo. So what say you?

I never chop

A classmate was telling of how she was immediately drawn to a guy she met at a canteen. She noticed he also couldn't stop checking her out while he ate. For reasons unknown to me, she was pissed off that he didn't offer to pay for her meal, yet he tried to get her no as she left. According to her, it is a big sign of stinginess. I do understand that having a stingy partner is unpleasant but I don't see it as a signal that the guy is stingy. What if he doesn't have enough money on him? Even if he does, would he have a saving if he sorts the bills of every girl that catches his attention.

Wait, would you die if you offer to pay for his meal or cab fare? He also got your attention, right? Later you won't let us rest on social media "#selfmade #feminist #ipaymybills" #yimu. If you make it a condition precedent for men to foot your bills before they have an opportunity to know you, you're a "yahoo" girl not worth knowing. You also seem like a broken clock that will only say "give me, give me."

According to her, another sign of stinginess is him asking for your bbm pin or whatsapp no at your first meeting. It means he doesn't want to spend his money on airtime to call you. Theory of life. Well, I also will not give a stranger those but not because he didn't buy rice or amala for me.

I'm not a believer of this "I never chop" doctrine. I don't think I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill too. What do you think? Thanks for reading. Love, Anuoluwapo.

Faith it till you make it

You've always thought you would have stopped birthing your kids at age 30 but you're 36 and you don't even have a boyfriend. You're 28 and still jobless even though you've had your MSC for 6 years now. Everyone, besides you, has a testimony to share in church. Are you alive? Are you in jail? Are you confined to a sick bed? Do you have loved ones? Are you on a diet/eating healthy? Look around you, are there people who are praying to be in your shoes? You even own a smart phone. Forget that there are 2000naira phones, some people will never have phones of their own. You have a testimony. If you stop comparing your life with another's, you'll realise that there is always always something to be thankful for. Besides, no one lives a challenge free life.

Let me remind you that it is impossible to please God without faith. Some people do not have to exercise their faith before they get these things but your journey is different and your testimony juicier. So faith it until you make it. Besides, happiness should be a life goal for you. Rather than sulking, complaining or giving yourself a high BP, remain positive and cheerful. You deserve a life of joy and happiness, don't let anything come in the way of that.

Keep in mind that the glory in your future tends to determine the challenges you will face. No matter what you're going through #GodstillWin. Thanks for reading bloghearts. Have a prosperous month, Anuoluwapo.

Oh yes, oh yes, we are one!

This post is to specially thank you for reading, leaving comments, sharing and liking the posts on social media. Also for your kind words. I'm sorry some of you have issues commenting.

You make my days as you talk to me daily about the posts when you run into me. I'm elated the posts cause debates in your homes and among your friends. I'm honoured you call me to get my opinion on issues no matter how silly they seem. Your comments make me laugh out loud all the time.

I never imagined I would have a blog until I had a blog. I have learnt so much from your comments and from the posts. Some of you would roll your eyes that I "sub" you. I sub myself on a daily. After subbing myself, I am forced to take steps at bettering myself.

I was introduced to the blog world by Eniwealth. There are so many beautiful blogs which I find hard to keep up with no thanks to school, lack of electricity and fuel. If I've not been on your blog recently, i'm sorry. I'll be with you soon. Blogoratti, can I share your post here, please? I've met new people, I read different ideas and I understand people better. I'm grateful for this experience.

So how are we celebrating? I had something in mind but I'm so choked up at the moment. You can send birthday gifts to the blog in form of dresses and shoes. Long life and prosperity to us all. I love you for reading, Anuoluwapo.

Choose one

#NoLight #NoFuel Women are complaining that their freezers have become cupboards. Business owners are frustrated. Students can't work on their laptops. Everyone is complaining but #ThereIsGod. Hopefully, the change coming in on Friday would favour us all. Amen!

I saw a part of a beauty contest last week where a contestant was asked to choose between beauty, fame and money. She chose fame *rme* No matter how vain you are, you have to pretend not to be to win. So, beauty is out of it. Besides, beauty is nothing and it fades.

I also wouldn't pick fame because having fame without money is synonymous to being a toothless bulldog. We see you but we can't feel you. And if we don't feel you, we don't remember you. There is an extent to which you can lobby some policies. You may be able to enter places after waiting long hours but when you're rich you'll be ushered in immediately. It's easier for you to influence policies like the right to education. With fame, you'll be shouting on instagram or follow in ETC's footsteps. You can be rich without being famous sef. #WeCan'tShout LOL.

Which would you go for and why? Beauty, fame or money? Thanks for reading bloghearts. Enjoy the rest of the week, Anuoluwapo

It's not about the size

Domestic Violence is indeed ‘the secret sin’. It’s happening in so many families and most of the time, women are the victims and we’re keeping quiet. It is not a joke and women are dying all over the world because some people still believe that it is something that can be trivialized. People continue to stay with domestic partners for fear of societal reproach and judgment. We are the society and we should stop providing an environment which condones remaining with an abusive partner.

Chances are you know at least one person that is in an abusive relationship and it blows your mind that they don’t “just” leave or maybe you are that person. If you don’t belong to either one of these groups, still read this because you might be in an abusive relationship and not even know it.

Nobody wears a sign on their head saying “Hey date  me and I’ll be sure to abuse you in the future!” The fact is that many relationships that are abusive didn’t start that way. On the contrary, they start out almost too good to be true. I read of a couple where he was so in love with her that he decided to marry her. He asked her parents for her hand in marriage and that’s where the first seed of abuse was planted. The girl’s family exploited him. They did it with his dowry and did not care that he was not in the best financial position. They accounted for every penny of clothes, school fees and other costs of raising "this prized possession of" a daughter. He was nearly financially wiped out by the time the wedding took place. Too embarrassed to say anything, he shut his mouth and got through it. A few months later, still unable to recover from the financial plummet, he started falling into depression, frustration and of course anger. One day, he asked his new wife to make him a sandwich, her response wasn’t favorable and he beat her. Explaining to her that he paid with his life’s savings to buy her from parents who acted as if they were selling property, not sending a daughter off to happiness. In this case who was abused? They both were. Him by her parents and her by him. So here is the take away from this one: Someone can become abusive that wasn’t before.

Abuse is not only DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. Many times, abuse happens long before it shows up as domestic violence. Abuse is simply the cruel or violent treatment of someone. So again violence is only part of the story cruel treatment is the other part, and that happens to many of us more than we are willing to admit. There are many people in “Emotionally abusive “relationships/marriages. This type of abuse is no less terrible than physical abuse. Emotional abuse is a non-physically violent but terrible form of abuse. You may think that physical abuse is far worse than emotional abuse, since physical violence can send you to the hospital and leave you with scars. But, the scars of emotional abuse are very real, and they run deep. In fact, emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse—sometimes even more so. It is usually characterized by behavior that chips away at someone’s sense of self worth. Some examples are shaming, humiliation, intimidation, fear, withholding basic needs, name calling, threatening, and of course using guilt (perhaps of a past mistake) as a source of power over the other or for emotional ransom. Don't cover abuse by claims of possessiveness, anger problem, jealousy, drunkenness or love.

One of the telling things about a healthy relationship is that two people need each other by choice.  Each chooses to depend on the other for something(s). Not so with abusive relationships. Abusers create a world where the other person is dependent on them by force. A counselor once spoke of an abuser who found out that his girlfriend got a new job that required a car that she could not afford to buy. He bought the car “supposedly for her” but she was not allowed to drive it. Only he could. She needed her job so she needed him and put up with his abuse for the sake of the job she needed. Another example is a "rich" man having the belief that he owns his "poor" partner because he is sponsoring her in school and perhaps caters to her needs and that of her family. Remember, an abuser’s goal is to control you, and he or she will frequently use money to do so. Economic or financial abuse includes: Rigidly controlling your finances, withholding money or credit cards/ basic necessities (food, clothes, medications, shelter), making you account for every penny you spend, restricting you to an allowance, preventing you from working or choosing your own career, sabotaging your job (making you miss work, calling constantly), stealing from you or taking your money, etc.

Abusers are experts at making a person feel that they are not going to be accepted by the world  and that they are the only ones who are accepting of the victim and so are doing a favor. They give the victim the impression of themselves that says “I am really bad/ugly/ not-good-enough/ not educated enough, that no one out there will tolerate and love me." They erode the victims self esteem so much so that the person starts to think “The monster I know is better than the ones I don’t." You should never allow yourself be put down, humiliated and disrespected by anyone especially not the one that professes love to you.

We may have more “domestic violence” cases reported by women, but that does not mean that men don’t go through domestic violence as well and it certainly does not mean they don’t go through abuse. The truth is that men don’t really have an outlet to talk about themselves as victims. When women share this pain, they often get a host of sympathizer. Everyone comes to their rescue.  Men get nothing but snares and taunting. Right from when men are young, they were told to just suck it up and be a man. So when a wife throws a tantrum at home, cries at the slightest nudge, PMS for 30 days, they suck it up. They don’t go having sleep overs at their friend's and break down in tears about how she threw the flower vase at him last night or how she has refused to perform her matrimonial obligations in weeks. They don’t tell their parents that the woman they live with emotionally abuses them. They don’t do that because they don’t get any support and even if they did, it’s too embarrassing. So know that abuse is not a gender thing. You might even be a female abuser and not realize it because you’re thinking “well I’ve never hit my man before” but remember, abuse can happen long before anyone physically hits the other. It’s Not the Size of the Bruise but the Violation of the Sense of Safety.

A wife who beats her husband to the best of her ability and throws items at him is just as abusive as the man who hits his wife. Just because the bruise from the man is bigger doesn’t make her less abusive. The fact is that we should not be hitting each other! A woman who threatens to embarrass her husband and expose something shameful about him unless he does or buys her something is just as abusive as the man who threatens to stop financial support if a woman doesn’t sleep with him. We should not be extorting or exploiting each other. If someone feels like you have the potential to violate their physical, emotional or psychological safety, you are already abusing them.‎

I gave a lecture in my NYSC CDS on domestic abuse and thought to share with you. Unfortunately, I can't find my references at the moment, i'll update the post when I do. This is not the end, there is a part 2 and maybe 3, please wait for them. I love you for reading, Anuoluwapo.

Love contract

What won't we hear? I read P Diddy isn't keen on marriage but cool with making a love contract. I don't know why we have refused to respect ourselves. A guy will wake up and say one nonsense and get away with it because some babes would give. If we take a stand, they would be forced to learn to respect us. We say we are not sex objects and there we are, in music videos, shaking our behinds seductively to songs that objectify us. We say men cheat and leave out the fact that they don't cheat with goats.

I don't know if I speak for other ladies but you got into a love contract with me the moment we got into a relationship. A contract to have my back, care for me, be faithful and never to divulge details about me. What else is in the yeye love contract that I don't already get from being your girlfriend? Oh right, she'll be your baby mama? Ladies, be there forming love contractor, #SideChicForever God help you if after many years, he marries another lady and leaves you hanging.

It reeks irresponsibility to me. Eating your cake and wanting it. Married but living like the boys. There is no sitting on the fence between being single and married. Marriage is not by force, if you and your woman don't believe in marriage and want to date forever, go for it. I still don't see the need for a contract. Why do you need a document to guide your affair? Shebi you don't want a real commitment. I would be very offended if my boyfriend played that card.

I love you for reading, Anuoluwapo.

Sensual objects or feeding bottles?

Before we talked about flaunting or hiding the bump, I was going to write about breast feeding in public. I'm not saying one is right or wrong, I'll only share my opinion and hope you'll share yours too.

So, a lady was struggling to remain covered while breastfeeding her little one in church. I remembered a lady in my parents' church, who years ago, opened "everything" without caution and fed her child several times before the end of the service. Some mothers would either sit at areas designated for nursing mothers or go outside the church to nurse their babies.

Some people feel it's nothing. The boobs should not be regarded as sensual objects but as feeding bottles. Some say afterall, women expose their boobs in the name of looking trendy so why exposing it for "a good cause" be termed public nudity.

I don't term it public nudity, I don't even term it anything. It's not that serious. The same way you (pretend to) look away from your colleague's boobs, look away from her nursing "tools."

If you've been covering up and showing it only to the dear hubby, why are you now showing it to the world. Does it not defeat the years of covering up? Or is everyone suddenly blind because you're now a mom?

I hear mothers say things to imply that they are old and there's nothing to cover anymore. Puleaseeeee, don't let a pregnancy or a baby trick you into feeling wringled. You are still very beautiful, perhaps prettier than before. Stretch marks? Use cocoa butter. You must likely have that glow that young mothers do. Your boobs are also fuller and more succulent. You're attractive, not old. Being a mother is more reason for you not to take yourself for granted. Oya package yourself well.

It's only women that see your boobs as feeding bottles, at the moment. Forget that it produces milk, it's still very sensual. It could even be the fetish of that man sef. Yes, the one sitting close to you and you're probably giving him ideas.

Haha, I love you for reading bloghearts. I love the feedback I get from you, don't stop. Have a good good week, Anuoluwapo.

Baby bump: Flaunt or hide?

I was going to do a post on sometime else before I saw this photo that gave me a good laugh. It is so true! They stop using their pictures or use photos of their puffy faces and poow, baby pictures. It's not a secret but around here we keep it low because we don't know who wouldn't be happy for us, right? Photos taken during pregnancy become throwback when the baby arrives.

I don't get why pregnant babes have to be touchy, infact some people would be touchy on her behalf. Ask her her baby's sex, how old the pregnancy is or the baby's name before the naming ceremony and you automatically become a suspect. Is it a Nigerian or African thing? It seems like a custom to me, that's how it is done so you also do same. It really isn't anybody's business anyway. However, winchy winchy people don't need to see you or a photo of your growing bump to know you are preggy. Watch Africa Magic today.

A friend's sis shared photos of her bump on her blog before her son arrived. A sister told us the name of her son, who now has a younger brother, before he arrived. A few people do not hide these things and their children do very well.

Would you readily share the news or you would rather let the bump or the baby's arrival do the announcement? Lohla, Launna and other yummy mommies, did you hide yours and why? I find it ridiculous when people wear layers of clothes, ill-fitting clothes, waist trainers, etc to hide their bump. Even if you have no intention of sharing with strangers on instagram, wear nice maternity dresses and rock that bump. You only carry that child once.

Whether pregnant or not, what we need do is to be
prayerful. God keep us and ours from harm. *In Wendy Williams' voice* I love you for reading, Anuoluwapo.

My handwriting and I

If it's by handwriting, I wouldn't have a blog. My dad would call me when I was writing my bar finals to remind me to make sure my writing was legible...

Anyway, I thought to share this with you. I got so excited when I saw it as it is so apt for me. These psychologists sef, they can do jazz *in Rita's voice* Do you remember Rita from D'banj's Kokomansion?

Mine is small letters, right, light pressure, looped l, looped t, slender y, long y, connected, the first i (I thought I was the only one who draws a circle on my "i" instead of a dot), the first t and even spacing. I guess it's good it forgot to mention how bad my writing is. Only God knows what it would say of it. Mind sharing yours? 

Does your handwriting describe your personality or was it just a coincidence with me? Perhaps you learnt something about yourself? Love love, Anuoluwapo.

No mediocre

Hi guys, how are you doing? I'm doing very well, busy being happy. It was a special someone's birthday few hours ago. I'm still so excited and wish the day wouldn't end. Oh Happy Workers' Day, Happy New Month bloghearts.

I have noticed that a lot of us are always on our toes, not wanting to hurt our loved ones which is great but not when it has to do with the truth. We take out time to coat the truth before saying it or saying what the other person wants to hear, is that friendship? If it's only 1 friend you have, you owe her the truth. It's better not to be a friend than sucking at it. Oh yea, you can't be a perfect friend but you can choose not to be a mediocre.

If you've read some of my posts, you would know that I'm very pro-mind your business. But how will your sister or bestie put all the pancake in the world on her face and expect you to remain quiet? Or want you to be diplomatic about helping her package? Not every time diploma please. When did you become a diplomat sef? I didn't say seize the opportunity to insult her oh.

Friends, loved ones owe each other the truth. Your friend is dating a married man or your sister's boyfriend beats her blue black and you still feel the need to polish the truth? You don't love her! She can get angry if she likes, you'll make up. It's not trying to pry into her private life, you're merely stating the obvious, which she may be blind to at the moment, in plain terms. She'll do same for you. A Yoruba adage says "If 2 siblings go in for a discussion and they come out with straight faces, be sure they just told each other the truth". If you're not telling her her boyfriend cheats on her then you shouldn't be telling anyone else.

Thanks for reading. Love love, Anuoluwapo.

Out of the closet

We can stop wondering now, it's official. 65year old father of 6 and grandfather of 7, Bruce Jenner, is transitioning. His family, ex-wives, celebrities (such as Lady Gaga and Ellen) and open minded people are applauding him. Infact, he is being called a hero as he just saved lives. Apparently, people who feel they are in the wrong bodies and need a sex change would be motivated to come out of their closets.

Bruce has just schooled Kim Kardashian on how to break the internet. Twitter has lost sleep over it. I thought Nigerians, in the atmosphere of change, would readily accept it, but they busy pleading the blood of Jesus and asking he be taken for deliverance. We're a dramatic people, yea?

Tweets for and against changing sexes are flying around and I'm just here trying not to judge and observing. Initially, I felt it really isn't our business and he has a right to do as he wishes with his body as long as it's legal. Human Rights Activists and other concerned groups would soon start clamouring for sex transitioning to be part of our laws, that's if they haven't. If it is passed into law, how would you feel, if in 17 years, your child, spouse or parent wishes to transition? 

Are you open minded, conservative or indifferent about this? Anybody wants to (or knows anyone who wants to) transition?

Thanks for reading bloghearts. I'm waiting to read from you. Love, Anuoluwapo.

You owe yourself

Contrary to popular opinion, nobody owes you anything. Why are you pouting because your uncle didn't send you some money, your friend didn't get you a birthday gift, your cousin didn't get something for your baby or someone didn't visit you. When last did you get something for them? Oh, you gave expecting something in return? Have you died as they got nothing for you? Would it be a crime if you decide to be a cheerful giver yourself? You have no idea what's happening with them. Be content, you're not a beggar. Stop whinning and get productive, you owe yourself a good life.

I guess you know there are some parents who are not responsible for their children? How do you explain a parent who expects her teenage/undergraduate child to support her? Yes, it is so wrong but we should not take parents, who care for, feed, cloth, protect and put us in school, for granted.

We wouldn't be so disappointed if we stopped expecting so much. It makes us more appreciative when we do get something. Hopefully, there wouldn't be any nagging around here anytime soon.
Thanks for reading bloghearts. Love, Anuoluwapo.

Guess who is here

My bloghearts, how are you doing? I'm sorry I went MIA. I prepared you for it so don't be so upset. I finished my exams on Friday. I couldn't rest well before the good weekend began. A dear friend got married over the weekend and I had such a good time fussing over her, being happy for her and having a great time with my friends. And then yesterday I was at the UITH with the Euthanasia Initiative to share some love with some of the patients. So now you know why I've been away.

I have a 2week break, I guess, which I intend to spend on me and mine. No errands and no visits except you're one of my mothers, grand mom and aunties. Arrrgh, okay i'll be visiting but I need to rest in advance. 2nd semester won't be smiling.

I have becoming a fitfam and eating healthy on my to-do list for the year. I intend to start that and stick to it. I also hope to do a lot of reflection, drink more water, smile at every opportunity, stay away from the sun, rest well, no unnecessary gist and blog as much as I can. They all seem easy besides the working
out and eating healthy part. I already have to resist the urge to snack. Hopefully, I'll have positive updates for you in 2weeks. Wait for it.

Back to blogging it is. Thanks for waiting. Love love, Anuoluwapo.

*MIA = Missing In Action
 UITH = University of Ilorin Teaching Hospital

Keeping the jewels on my crown

I read this quote on Instagram and I was completely touched by it. It reminded me of how many times I had removed 'jewels' from my crown so that a man would 'love me' ... instead of finding a man that was worthy of me, I had lowered myself more times than I care to remember. Over the years I wondered what was wrong with me? Why was I still single? Especially when being married to someone I loved and who loved me was all that I wanted. 

I have never been the girl who wanted the big career, I have never been the girl that wanted fame and I have never been the girl that wanted excessive money... I have been the girl that wanted love. When it didn't happen over the years, I had began to think it must be me, something I was doing wrong... over the last year and a half, it came to me that I had been selling myself short with the men that I had dated. I had forgot my worth. 

I got less then I deserved because I had expected it, in my mind I didn't deserve much more... all of this came after I had lost 'him' as my best friend... because at one time I had thought I was SO lucky to have 'him'... I neglected to remember that 'he' was lucky to have me. When 'he' stopped being friends with me due to a misunderstanding that I was not given a chance to explain, I ended up falling into a depression... this was when my eyes and my heart started to open more. 

I begin to see how I had thought I deserved so little over my life and this was why I had so little... what you expect is what you get... I remember a night 'he' and I were talking before 'he' came home and I was so excited and I told him I deserved 'him'... he stopped me that night and said, did I ever think it was 'him' that deserved me?... I was touched by what he had said but I didn't believe it for a very long time. 

What we both neglected to remember was that love isn't about deserving one another, love is about loving ourselves first and giving the best of ourselves to the other person. I now know that I had not loved myself enough and because I didn't I was not able to truly love anyone else enough. I had lived with fear that I was going to be alone, since I couldn't love myself, how could anyone else love me either. 

Although I may not find the love of my life, I now know more than ever that I want nothing less ... especially since I am willing to give my all to the right person if they were to come along. I never thought I would write this or more I never thought I would believe this... but I would rather be alone than be with someone who didn't truly love me... I love myself enough to never settle for someone just because I think I deserve some kind of love. 

The truth is we all deserve love, the question is do we know that loving ourselves is really the answer?

I'm totally keeping the jewels on my crown. Yes, i'm a queen. So are you! (or a king as the case may be). Don't lose yourself because you want to be with someone. An example? I read on facebook this morning "How do I lose weight? My boyfriend wants me to lose weight or i'll lose him." I ignored the post because all I could think is "Is something wrong with you? Are you seriously considering it?" Your boyfriend should want you to lose weight because he wants you to be healthy and maybe look better. If he ever thinks and plays the "or else i'll leave you card", he isn't the one. Putting up with a boyfriend that hits you, disrespects you, cheats on you? Just look at your jewels on the floor. Why do you have to discard your life goals and happiness for a man or woman. You need to truly love yourself to love another and be loved right. If you're still looking at your jewels on the floor instead of in your crown, you do not love yourself.

I'm addicted to Launna's blog She is one wise lady who writes the truth from her experiences. I never leave her blog without learning (or having her remind me of) something. She's so so practical. I would love to spend a weekend getting to know her and learning from her experiences in person. Thanks Launna for letting me share this. Thanks for the prayers and for reading bloghearts. Love, Anuoluwapo.

Touching base

Hallos my bloghearts of life, long time no see? I missed y'all. How was your Easter? It's still Easter here until I push the sisters out of my door tomorrow morning as I head off to school. One of my fave people has been here with her sweet friend since Friday. They don't want to leave. I want them to stay forever but I have exams next week and I need to read. A friend was came in on Thursday and left on Sunday. I had a great time with family and friends at an orphanage on Saturday. We're going again on May 16th. If you're interested in being a part, please holla!

I am a big fan of Wendy Williams. I just saw my fave episode with Hakeem (from Empire) visiting. I'm busy grinning from ear to ear. You can imagine how much fun i'm having. I'm also so glad Jesus loves me, going on the cross for me. I hope you're also happy and having a good time.

I thought to touch base with y'all my lovers. I have some topics in my head I want to write about. I hope I'm able to do so soon. You do know you can send in topics and posts? I'll love to share some lovely posts I read with you. Wait for them.

Thanks for reading bloghearts, keep reading. Also, pray for me that I ace my exam (and any other things that comes to mind). I'll do same. Love love, Anuoluwapo.

Abracadabra

A Yoruba adage says Owo epo l'araye bani la, won kin ba ni la t'eje which literally translates to People would lick a palm oil soiled hand but not a blood soiled one. You get what that means? They are there for you in your ups and vanish during your lows. Fair weather friends. The ability to differentiate friends from parasitic beings is a blessing. Some may not even need anything from you now but they are with you because they may need you tomorrow or because it's just cool rolling with you as a big boy or fine girl. Haven't you seen or heard it happen? I just saw it happen. Oh well, I was just told about it by the affected party. The funny part is how fast everything happened, the conspicuous disappearance to the appearance acts when everything was sorted #Abracadabra

Congratulations Nigerians! Democracy feels so good. Hopefully the incoming government won't disappoint us. If they do? We flush them out. Leadership is not anyone's inheritance. Not only them and their children sabi enjoy life.

I'm so excited about April and the blessings coming with it. It's my lovers' birth month (yes lovers, at least two of them sef), Easter... Have a very good April bloghearts. Love, Anuoluwapo

Why I'm not married

When I saw the photo below I screamed "YES!" People have no chill whatsoever. They poke their noses into places they have no business in and complain about having catarrh.

I understand when a parent asks the daughter about her boyfriend. But when your old primary school mate, who you ran into at the mall, decides to carry "your being single", for head like gala, isn't there something wrong somewhere?

You see, most of them haven't even sorted their lives. We all have issues, right? But they will forming well wishers. Aproko! If you really care, pray for her, don't ask upsetting questions.

Someone, who has been married for about 8 years, was gisting me about how an acquaintance drove all the way to ask her what was happening in her home. Why she wasn't poping babies. She said she laughed while she asked "Nne, we're the same age na, when would you have a boyfriend?" EPIC! Okay but maybe she didn't have to hurt her like that but what did the acquaintance want to hear. These so called well-wishers would just spoil your mood and leave you upset. Don't allow them. What's anyone business with when you get married? If you rush in and it doesn't work, "they" will laugh oh.

Best way to show concern

A guy, with a little 18month old daughter, told me he and his wife have been actively trying for another baby for a while. Guess why! Because people had been pressuring them before the daughter was 12months to have another baby. I rest my case.

Don't let your issues weigh you down. Aim to be better at whatever it is you're up to. You're competing with the man you were yesterday, not someone who is doing better or worse than you are. Look at the brighter side. Be grateful for what you have and hopeful for that which you want. If you haven't noticed, someone is praying for what you have. So stop being so upset about what you don't have that you forget to enjoy what you have. Thanks for reading bloghearts. Love, Anuoluwapo.

Guest post

I met my learned colleague, Sopuru Christian, while in the Nigerian Law School, Kano and did he make an impression? I was elated when I received his message saying he had a post for us. I'm sorry I'm just putting this up. Thanks Sopuru. Yes, you can also send in your posts, i'll be glad to put them up. Continue to read his story.

BIBLE CHALLENGE
Today I just dragged myself off the bed. The morning dew was still dripping down the glass windows. Today was one of those days you just didn’t feel like stepping off the bed. The birds gave that soft coo-coo that made you want to sleep more. My roommate was still deep in sleep and I didn’t want him to  out-sleep me.  But I knew I had lectures by 8am. If I didn’t stand up now to read the Bible, now that it was still 6am in the morning, I was going to drift back to sleep and wake up by 7, by which time, I will be in a rush to eat, bath and go to school.

I made for the Bible that was sitting quite comfortably on the plastic table on the corner of the room. As I reached for the Bible, my phone rang. Immediately I was done with the call, I dumped my Bible back on the table where I had picked it up from and immediately picked up my books. My friend had just informed me that he had confirmed that what we had this morning was no lecture, but that the lecturer was going to give us a surprise test too. It was understandable that I had to dump my Bible today. I had hardly read anything on that course.  By the way I can read my Bible this evening when I came back from all of today’s running around.
The next day.

I really cannot account for all that happened yesterday. Today I was a little determined to read the Bible. I made my way to the table but I could not find my Bible. I remembered then that my friend next door had called me to request permission to carry my Bible to a night vigil. The other translation around was a King James Bible, and trust me, you don’t want to start your day with some King James! My roommate had a newer translation, but then I had to wait until he was awake to borrow it from him. Some ideas bumped into my head. Some of the ideas suggested I just walk around to ‘hail’ my neighbors, but I would have none of that.

As these things were going through my head, my friend from next door bumped into my room. The unique thing about this my friend was that he always didn’t have time to cook, but he had ample time to eat with anyone who had the time to cook. He wanted to know if I had fetched water from the tap yesterday. Our house tap does not run every morning. Sometimes it just pretty much runs in the evening and that was it. Those who were wise enough always got enough water for the next day during those evening spurts. Clearly my friend needed water and I obliged him.  I guessed it was not just water that my friend wanted. His next statement was to affirm that my position.
“Are you making food this morning?” he asked.
I told him that the fact that I had no lectures this morning did not translate into fasting and prayer.
“Ok o,” he said between chuckles, “I will ‘show’ when you’re done cooking.”

As he left, my roommate opened his eyes. Evidently the noise my ‘visitor’ was making had disturbed him. He asked to know if it was ‘bluetooth’-for that was the name we had given the young man, that just came in. I laughed and told him that it was surely him.
He then told me that the room next door had collected our kerosene container together with the kerosene inside and had not even returned the container. I was angry. In fact angry was a word too mild to reflect how I felt.  I jumped off the chair I had been sitting on and stormed in to the next room.
“Who dared use up my kerosene without letting me know?” I thundered at the people I met in the room. They rose to defend themselves and before long, altercations began.

At the end, I did not read any Bible that day. Who even reads the Bible on the day he and his neighbour just finished shouting at each other?

The next morning, when I opened my eyes I was face to face with the Bible as I had rolled over to the edge of the bed with my back to the ceiling and my face to the floor. It looked like my friend had returned my Bible, but had now dumped it beside the bed for me. My roommate was still soundly asleep. I picked it up and dusted off the little dust that had settled on it. I opened the pages I saw a devotional inside it. Somehow my friend who had borrowed the Bible had forgotten the devotional inside it. I opened the devotional for that particular day in the calendar. The devotional spoke to me. It referred me to Philippians Chapter four as the passage for the day. On second thoughts I picked up my phone and switched it off. I got up and shut the door firmly; surely the devil would be away today. I read Philippians chapter four, the message from the passages was touching. Soon I was to wander off in thoughts. I remembered that although we had exams in two weeks time, I still hadn’t paid the fees. My thoughts wandered but my eyes were still on the passage I was reading. This continued for a while until my eyes fell on the verse fourteen of the passage. It read
 “But my God shall supply all your needs according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”

Tears came to my eyes as I saw God’s word come alive to me. When I was done, my spirit was doubly exhilarated. God has through the Bible given me hope.

That afternoon my mother called me. She told me that my aunty had phoned in from Lagos. My mother told her that I needed money for my school fees. She had promised to transfer the money and actually did transfer the money later in the afternoon. I was just full of praise to God.

Today unlike yesterday and the day before, I had won the challenge over the devil. I had finally read my Bible.

Thanks for reading bloghearts. Love, Anuoluwapo.

Let's talk euthanasia

Euthanasia is mercy killing. A patient on finding out he has been rendered helpless due to an occurrence, old age, deformity, psychological or medical condition may decide to take his life. Where he is incapable of making such decisions or giving consent, a family member, next of kin or any other person authorized to do so, may. Euthasia has some categorizations such as

1. Active euthanasia: Informed specific steps are taken to cause the patient's death through the introduction of certain medications.
2. Passive euthanasia: Withdrawal of medical treatment, e.g. life support or medications with the intention of causing the patient's death.
3. Voluntary euthanasia: The patient takes the decision to end his life.
4. Involuntary euthanasia: Due to the person's incapacity to give consent, the decision is taken by someone else.
5. Assisted suicide: Here, a doctor does not administer provides medical treatment to end the patient's life. He however makes it available to the patient.

There are two main schools of thought. The first believe in the doctrine of sanctitity of life. Life is sacred and one shouldn't take what he can't give no matter the circumstance. An argument against euthanasia is that even people who are not terminally ill will ask for it. Suicide could as well be legalized. It would become a means of saving money. People would be quick to choose saving money over caring for the patient.

The second believes in the doctrine of quality of life. They advocate that life should be worth it. Also, a life in a poor state as a result of old age, terminal illness, etc, does not deserve being watched to linger in agony. Rather than watch a patient in acute pain, give him a painless death (euthanasia). An argument for it is that it is expensive to keep treating a terminally ill patient. Why waste money, emotions and time over someone that would die? The government or relatives can use the resources on some other "important" matters. Another is that euthanasia is a dignified way to die as against watching a person have a painful, gruesome and slow death. Then why keep a person alive when you're told, even if he pulls through, he'll be a "vegetable"?

Now that I've given a general background, what school of thought do you belong to? Me? I don't think it will be easy to give up. I also know living with, or watching a loved one live with, pains is difficult. We'll never be put in a situation where we'll have to choose. Amen. I hope to read and learn from your views. 

If you're anti-euthanasia and would love to reach out to and show love to the terminally ill, please contact me. My lecturer who is very passionate about it heads an NGO that supports the terminally ill. I would also give details as to the related activities coming up next month. Thanks for reading :* Anuoluwapo.

Body enhancements

On my way home from school, I had an hilarious conversation about body enhancers with a classmate. It started from body shapers to padded bras to silicones and then bum pants.

You see, nowadays what you see isn't what you get. You can't judge a "book" by it's cover any more. Maybe you should stop drooling over instagram photos. You think she is sexier than your wife? Wait till she unleashes the ermerm *coughs* How would you feel if you get home on your wedding night to find that your over sexy bride is flat chested, has a Yokosuka waist or no behind? It's no big deal shey? Lmao. It may start a domestic war especially if it's something that the hubby can't stand.

There's so much packaging - hair, makeup, nails, boobs, waist, bum, hips, high heel shoes, complexion, accent, ... Ladies are really trying. Upon the crazy heat, we still nack everything together. Most times, it's not to attract men but to feel good and confident about ourselves and maybe to oppress (or prevent oppression from) other ladies. How come men don't package their bodies? Wear muscle pads and co? Abi wallet pads are sufficient?

I don't think there's anything wrong with it, whatever rocks your boat girl. Padded bra and pants are cheaper and safer alternatives to cosmetic surgery. It's easy to say "Love your body, be confident and wear your skin as it is" but not so easy to practice. I'm a girl, I know the struggle. Very few ladies are at peace with their bodies. Even though many are very okay, we still want a flatter tummy, fuller/peckier bust, smaller waist, rounder bum, longer legs, pointy nose, gap tooth,... Many are okay but not content. Some have genuine issues they wish could be sorted like conspicuously uneven boobs. Who want one lepa breast and an orobo one? Such a person may decide to pad the lepa one to give an even appearance. Anything wrong with that? Don't be so quick to judge, but you can.

Thanks for reading bloghearts. I was grinning from ear to ear writing this. Hope you're doing same reading. Kindly share your view or say hello. Love, Anuoluwapo.

I'm not a feminist

Well, I don't fully understand the concept of feminism and I'm not particularly interested. I want everybody - Women, Men and children, treated fairly. Work hard, study hard. When you lead your set or head your organisation, no one can take it from you. It's not a competition against men or your colleagues, you're working on yourself - making yourself better.

I still want a man to open a door for me and help me lift objects, doesn't mean I won't kick his behind in the board meeting. I want to tell my hubby "The mechanics' place isn't for ladies" and have him spend the day at the workshop. I know ladies who do the mechanics. So, before you tell me you do, let me tell you I don't envy you.

Now, some of my classmates have noticed that, on my way to and from school, I would rather give women rides. Ehn now, what do you expect? It's not like I don't pick men but when there are ladies also standing by the road, I'm picking the ladies. It upsets me when men struggle with ladies to get in. I always want to scream "Oh my God! What happened to ladies first? Doesn't your body do you one kain when you physically struggle with a lady? What if you hurt her?" but instead I calmly say "Sorry sir, I stopped for the ladies, please let them come in."

If I'm in a position to help, I, first of all, consider based on merits and then I tend to favour ladies sensibly. I wouldn't for instance choose to help a rude lady over a nice guy. Or at most, I give both sexes equal chances. Isn't it normal? If I don't help my fellow woman, who will? However, I still expect a man to pick up a lady over a man by the road side, if he has to choose. Does that make me a feminist? I presume "Ladies first" had been a common statement/norm before the doctrine of feminism was birth.

After thinking about it, it seems to me that, like Hannah Montana, I want the best of both worlds. A bit of here and there, supporting the female folk and still have the men choose to support us over their fellow men. There are many other ways we support men na, abi? Allowing them help us is a privilege to them. Take note men.

What do you think? Thanks for reading, Anuoluwapo.

Because I'm happy

I wouldn't agree less that the lawn isn't greener on the other lawn. You shouldn't compare your situation with another's. You really don't know what's going on with him or her.

I was telling someone recently how a mutual friend of ours is happy. Well, she seems happy to me. You know how someone is happy and it's infectious? Yes, that's her kind of happy. And she goes "People pretend joor. Don't judge by the cover?" Ahah, why should I second guess my friend. If she seems unhappy, I would be worried. Now she seems very happy, i'm ecstatic. I would rather this than she "tabling" job or relationship issues.

It seems to me like we're not happy to see others happy. That you know someone's issues doesn't mean you know they are unhappy. Some refuse to mop around and stay happy despite their challenges. See, we all have challenges. Don't let anything take your joy. Life is too short to be unhappy for a minute. Tomorrow is not guaranteed, laugh/smile as much as you can today. The burdens, may not disappear but,  would feel lighter once you choose to be and you are truely happy.

Also, that a person lives a different and unusual lifestyle from ourselves doesn't mean they are unhappy. Honestly, if we're happy we'll wish for everyone to be happy and we wouldn't have the time to check out who seems to be pretending to be happy or energy to bring others down.

Thanks for reading. I hope you get my point. I'm sorry I've not been so regular in posting and responding to
 comments. Blame it on my network provider and NEPA PHCN. Some are happy, some may pretend to be happy, you get to choose your side. Love,  Anuoluwapo.

*P.S. Tabling = Discussing

LOL

Hi bloghearts, how are you doing? I thought to share some of the funny photos on my phone. Hope you have a good laugh even if you've seen one or all of them before. Thanks for coming back. I have a post waiting to be posted. Do come back. Love, Anuoluwapo.

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