Wednesday, 11 June 2014

Trust issues

When I went back to school, dh would send me sweet mentions on social media, saying he loves and misses me and those things we like to hear. I do not waste time in responding. You've got to encourage a man if you want him to keep at it, right? + I do not have a problem with some PDA once in a while. So a married babe messaged me don't mention your dh o. You know girls are not smiling, so they won't snatch him from you or start trying any nonsense. I felt like slapping her, when did that familiarity begin? If girls are not smiling, me sef, i'm not sleeping on a bicycle". I just ignored her. The babe is a sweet lady who meant well but had watched too much afmag. You watch too much afmag and can't trust your family, friends and colleagues? Always suspicious? This is for you. I simply refused to be paranoid.
You hear stories of friends messing with their friend's man. No friend would want to try that with me, seriously! I know my friends and I understand and trust them. Meaning I know the ones that can have direct access to him and the ones that go through me. Don't even go through me, whatever you want to tell him, tell Jesus. Jesus will sort it out for you. LOL! Satan can like to misbehave too so you have to voluntarily help the friends with direct access moderate their communications with him. But really, I can say "Ife please call dh, he'll sort it out or he is home, please pick up from him". I even remind him of their birthdays. I just refuse to be paranoid.
Dh is allowed to socialise reasonably. Yes, I trust him enough not to worry my pretty head when he is hanging out with the guys. I can't possibly be his only friend and I can't take up the space of the guys in his heart because he also would not stop me from loving my girls. No one should lose good friends or a healthy social life in the name of marriage. If I'm not good enough to be your friend after your wedding, maybe you shouldn't bother inviting me or selling aso-ebi to me, abi? A babe once told me she would have a praise night, no bridal shower or bach eve, so that her man wouldn't have a Bach eve as his friends would arrange a babe for him and he may even impregnate her. My question: Why are you marrying him if you don't trust him then? What kind of man are you with sef? I told dh weeks to our wedding that he should tell his friends to host whatever party they wanted to asap as I wouldn't agree to him being at a party on the eve of the wedding when he should be getting his beauty sleep. A babe even messaged me "Anu, I was at your boyfriend's Bach eve. Very nice party". My response was "hope you had fun?" I didn't want her gist, if I was getting the gist it would definitely be from the groom himself. I wouldn't have a praise night because I didn't want him at a Bach eve. That's not praise anymore, it's crafty.
I lived with my amazing parents for more than 20years and they were never checking or handling each other's phones. They weren't questioning each other's whereabouts or yelling at each other. I never saw a trace of trust issues, so why should I have one? It's rather funny when a girl says all men are the same, they all cheat. The men you were with didn't treat you right doesn't mean no other man will. Stop being paranoid. Give him a benefit of doubt, just like he is giving you. If he messes up, his loss and don't worry, Aunty Karma is still very much alive. Men cheat, so do women! Should we then say everyone cheats and all remain single and bitter? What you don't understand is that the more you forbid someone from doing something, the more he wants it. Trust your partner and if you don't, you have no business being in that relationship.
Nobody can snatch your man from you. He is an adult who has a right to make his decisions. Don't give me the juju thing, if he is prayerful and doesn't give her attention it will not work on him. What was he doing eating her efo in the first place or how did the charm laced on her girly part work on him? He tripped and fell into into it? Our partners are human and prone to mistakes, just like we are. Our prayers for them will do us all good. If he makes a mistake and you can forgive and live with it, please do and if you can't, move on but remember Matthew 6:12. Paranoia = High BP/Silly actions = Miserable life/Death/Regrets. Choose wisely. Xoxo

*Dh = Dear husband
 PDA = Public display of affection
 Afmag = Africa Magic
 Lol = Laugh out loud
 Asap = As soon as possible
 Bach = Bachelor's eve
 BP = Blood pressure
 Matthew 6:12 = Forgive us as we forgive others
 Xoxo = Hugs and kisses


Anonymous said...

Can't question any part of this piece, it's almost flawless. Told my guys a couple of days ago that self restraint is all we need to stay true to ur marriage vows. It's not rocket science! Just like u said, I think trust is d single most important element that sustains a relationship.

donokizle said...

Awesome...Trust is a big part of relationships. Whether as friend or romantic. I know this too well....Anu understands! Shout out to the ones who never trusted us. It wouldn't hurt every now and then though! Bless!

Anuoluwapo said...

Thank you

Anuoluwapo said...

You sef don't do stuff that would make it hard to trust you :p Thanks my darling

Esquire said...

Very interesting lovely piece. Nobody can snatch your man but u can loose your man to other women if you dont play your role right. a good example can be found here

Anuoluwapo said...

"We" will play our roles, God help us. However, whether we play our roles or not, a God fearing man can not be stolen (vice-versa). Thank you

Esquire said...

LoL. i like that. ok

Anuoluwapo said...

Thank you sir