Monday, 30 June 2014

78 Girl codes - Laugh and learn

Please bring out your sense of humour and have a good laugh. This is a fun post, loads of sarcasm and pettiness imbedded with truths. Girls may not say these but anyone that goes against them is a traitor. I stopped attending to a babe I had just met through her now husband when I was told he was her friend's ex. What is that? Out of all the men in the world, you chose to choose your friend's ex and you expect to remain friends with her and your other girlfriends? So you can "thief" their bobos ehn? If you're a true friend, he wouldn't even have the guts to ask you out. As you're now dating him, you better don't break up or even attempt to complain about him. You'll have a babe's back and tell her her boyfriend is married, engaged or not who he says he is and she, forming stupid Juliet, will go and tell him "Anu said ..." Such should be left alone to have their hearts trampled upon. I'm not a fan of friends saying " I saw your boyfriend, here or there". I would rather step up to the boyfriend and give him the word of his life. If I can deal with it, my friend doesn't need to know. He shouldn't only hide his cheating side from my friend, he better hide it from me. But if I find out my boyfriend is married, you knew and didn't tell me, I'll show both you and the useless boyfriend Cameroon pepper,lol. Here are my "few" 78 GIRL CODES, read through and enjoy.

1# Rule no 1 and the MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL.. No girl may date her friend's exs, past crushes, guys who have humiliated/used her and guys she currently fancies. Do this at your own risk! Exceptions to rule: a) Your friend has given you permission (b) The said fancying/dating happened before the age of puberty. (c) Your friend has dated so many guys leaving you with little or no options.

2# Stop being the "me too" girl, if your friend is telling a story, stop stealing her thunder.

3# When a said evening is said as a girls' night out, do not invite your boyfriend.

4# A girl has a right to lie in order to keep a secret told to her by her best friend.

5# When complimented by a friend it is your duty to find something to compliment her back on… whether this be straight afterwards or stored for later on in the day

6# It is your womanly right to give dirty looks

7# Being friends with your friends arch enemy/people your friend hates is a shady area… if you are to do this you must keep the said arch enemies/hated people friendship with you on the d- low

8# If your friends new boyfriend is hideous or lacking in the looks department when asked your opinion of him it is accepetable to describe him as 'cute'

9# Women ARE ALWAYS RIGHT until PROVEN wrong!

10# We have to go through childbirth/periods/waxing so are the downtrodden sex and this can be used in any disagreement/argument with a member of the male species.. let them feel our PAIN

11# Never see your friend or any other lady as competition.

12# A guy who claims to love chick flicks must be looked at in suspicion.. either he's after something or theres something he's not telling you (*cough).. make him sit through 'crossroads' and if he survives that then he may be counted as genuine but trust him at your own peril!

13# Two friends should not hook up with the same guy in the same night HAVE SOME SELF RESPECT LADIES!

14# Never may a thong/ G-string be worn with a short skirt.. There are things your companions do not need to see!

15# Sleeping with more than five men in a lifetime does not make you a whore, however sleeping with five men in a week does.

16# All single girls are allowed to hate Valentines Day and bitch about it to their other single girlfriends

17# Females are always obligated to notice and comment on any change of hair cut or color, new clothes, jewlerry etc

18# If a girl is throwing up it is your duty to hold her hair back.. even if she is not an acquaintance

19# If recently single it is advised that you do not moan about being single to someone who has been single for alongertime than you.. think about it!

20# If you have previously got with or seen someones boyfriend/guy they like/ guy they are 'seeing' UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES may you discuss your time with said boy. It's good enough she knows you had been with him

21# It is perfectly acceptable (and highly encouraged) to let a complete stranger know their necklace is tangled, clothes tag is hanging out

22# You are morally obligated to stop your friend from getting with a guy you KNOW she will greatly regret in the morning if the said friend is under the influence of alcohol, (this requires use of proper judgement, not hers, yours) In this case 'cock-blocking' is acceptable no matter what the stupid man code says.

23# After breaking up with a guy it is your right to eat a whole box of chocolates/ tub of ice cream without being judged

24# Thou shalt not call your friend's hubby by his first name. Don't roll your eyes, it's not proper.

25# If you have a picture of your friend on facebook/myspace or any other public medium and she dislikes it (and gives sufficient reason as to why she does) it is your duty to remove it

26# If a woman asks her best friend if she looks fat, and she really does, it is the obligation of the friend to tell her that the offending piece of clothing "does nothing for her."

27# A grey bra that is supposed to be white is not acceptable

28# Food eaten while preparing other food has no calories.

29# Women who never binge have no souls.

30# ALWAYS exfoliate before tanning... Also if your friend is turning orange through fake tanning you must make her aware of this

31# No woman at any time shall allow her thong to rise above the waistline of her pants

32# No woman may loudly deem herself "fat" if she is in the presence of an obviously fatter woman.

33# It is perfectly acceptable to announce that you are going on a diet and break it the next day

34# If in a changing room and you friend trys on an outfit that someone else in the changing room has tried on you are obligated to tell said friend that she looks better in it.. however if she looks awful consult rule no#26

35# Don’t ever seek true opinion from a guy on your outfit, if unsure ask a female friend.. this rule however does not apply if you know you look hot in the outfit in which case asking a guy will help you receive compliments which all girls are entitled to. God help you if you infact do not look as hot as you thought you did

36# No woman shall ever go to the ladies' room alone if there is another woman available to go with her.

37# Under no circumstances may two girls whisper to one another in the presence of other girls.. it is plain rude.. share the wealth

38# Friends are obligated to protect and defend the reputation of a friend. Again whether this involves lying or not

39# No girl shall pretend to know / like sports just to be "hot" in front of guys. Knowledge of said sport must be proven by at least 5 statistics and / or an obvious familiarity with the rules of the game.

40# If a friend runs off crying (to the toilet for example)you must atleast count to 10 before following her.. we do not want to make the situation a soap opera/ prove the judgement that girls are melodramatic

41# Always leave the party with the girls you came with unless a mutual agreement has been met

42# Flirting with your friends dad is not permitted no matter how attractive you find him. Oh well except you're ready to meet your maker

43# If your skirt is short enough for the pockets to come out of the bottom, fellow females have the right to brand you a slag. However if you're ok with this feel free to wear the skirt, we need someone to talk about

44# If you are experiencing PMS, Post-PMS, or Pre-PMS, you are permitted to exhibit any manner of behaviors you wish without regard to logical consistency or accepted norms of human behavior. However this rule does not make you exepmt from any of the other girl rules

45# As women we are allowed to be completely self-absorbed and self obsessed when it comes to A) Our wedding days, B) Our birthdays, C) childbirth, D) Breakups

46# "I have a boyfriend" is a completely acceptable way of turning a guy down, especially if you have to lie about it. Friends when questioned must always back you up on this and ’play along’

47# You're under no obligation to tell the truth when asked the number of your sexual partners

48# It is perfectly acceptable to sing into your hairbrush, as long as in the privacy of your room/ drunk with your close friends

49# No woman shall wear coloured undergarments under any white article of clothing

50# You are perfectly within reason to hate your bf's ex even if she is the nicest girl in the world, feeds the poor, visits old peoples homes and helps out at the local cattery

51# It is perfectly acceptable to use any shiny surface as a mirror to check ones appearance, or merely pose. for example: shop windows, car windscreens, cutlery, one way glass on buildings etc.

52# A girl is allowed to come up with cutesy pet names for her boyfriend and use them around his friends for general punishment if he has angered or displeased her in any way.

53# It is your womanly right to take hoodies, boxers and t-shirts from guys without returning them. However this is overruled if the said guy is your friends boyfriend/brother/love interest/dad/uncle.. you get the picture

54# Girls should always explain or apologise for not calling another female friend back. We are courteous to our friends.

55# You will always have your best mates 'back'. This is a sign of a true friend.

56# A girl must under to circumstances slap a guy

57# NEVER EVER say 'i love you' without meaning it. The male population do it enough for both sexes, we don't need to stoop to their level

58# In no way does a girl have to mean what she says when in conversation with the opposite sex. Some examples are listed (to help the boys out):

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

59# If you change boyfriends so fast they rarely achieve name status, a man must be around for at least six weeks before you make your friends bother to learn his first name. Until such time, he should be referred to as "The boy" or "That guy".

60# If you just met a guy and know absolutely nothing about him, but need to refer to him during 'girl talk' you use one example of who he is, something he has, or what he does, and he becomes the "cab guy" "ice cream guy", etc

61# Every girl must wait at least a day and a half before calling a guy whose number she has retrieved..

62# You are to never diss a friend's boyfriend except to agree lightly or nod when she says he's being an asshole. Exception: If a guy cheated on or dumped your friend.

63# If you want to date a friend's brother it is required that you get said friends permission. You better be sure you get it else I will not acknowledge you as his babe.

64# No girl is to ever hang out with the boyfriend of a friend without the friend being present. If permission to is granted their should be at least 3 other people with you. You also have no reason calling her man except you're planning a surprise.

65# Every girl deserves a bridal and baby shower

66# No girl shall purposely wear an outfit she knows her friend will be wearing to an event except prior agreement had been reached.

67# No girl shall borrow an item of clothing without asking the clothing owner's permission, unless both parties have made an official decision to waive this rule in the context of their friendship.

68# The penalty for exposing a secret to an unauthorized party(including your best friend, boyfriend and mom) shall be exile from Girlville.

69# Inside jokes are not to be explained to outsiders.

70# Always leave a man wanting more but don't leave him guessing too long since guys do not take hints easily.

71# If a guy your friend is into asks for your number, you are to deny it and walk away, and/or slip him your friends number while saying, "I think she is more your type, you should call her"

72# Chicks before *****. Simple.

73# In a case where a friend spreads a horrible rumor about a friend, and than apologizes they are to be given the cold-shoulder for at least 3 days.

74# In a fight between a friend and her boyfriend you must always choose your friend's side? Nope! Be objective.

75# When dating a girl should find equal and/or enough time to still hang out with her girls

76# Never insult your friend but never let your friend leave the house looking hideous. Find a better way to tell your friend how they look.  Ex: 'I think your other jeans are nice', 'You should wear less eyeliner, you have great eyes'.

77# When a friend is drunk, never allow her to dial, drive or leave with a random guy

78# When a friend calls you up complaining about how she is drunk and can't go home you must allow her to stay at your house.

In summary my ladies, don't fight over guys, watch out for each other, don't tell each others' secrets, don't date her ex, never choose a guy over your friend, be honest with each other, support each other, don't backstab or talk behind each other's back, give honest advice, don't leave anyone behind, don't back stab or talk behind each other's back, give honest advice and leave anyone behind.

Y'all had better be at least be grinning from ear to ear after reading this. I'm so tired, went out of my way to put this up because I said I will. Thanks for always reading and being so kind. Have any topic you want me to blog about? Kindly share. Have a great week. Xoxo


jan zizka said...

Hi Tara,it's unfortunate to see that your idea about sexual adultery/fornication is contrary to that of scriptures.According to scriptures(and Jesus's own words) when a man or woman have sexual intercourse they are one body and shouldn't be seperated as long as they live.That is ,they should be married as long as they live.You had sex with somebody and he dumps you,then you are free to marry again.But as long as you are a christian you are not allowed to divorce somebody with whom you had sex,unless that person divorce you because he is not a christian.If he is a christian then he will not dicorce you.

So it's not whether you have sex with a 5 men or a 100 men that makes you a whore,but whether or not you will live with the one whom you have sex for the rest of your life ,according to God's word(words of Lord Jesus Christ).

Larmmie said...

Awesome write up! I laughed real hard and I can totally relate to some...#33 reminds me of my squating days...LOL and #1! Hmmm are u sure no girl is allowed to date her friend's crush? I think every girl Shld see that one.

Anuoluwapo said...

Please feel free to put your cane down now, thank Find my views on fornication n adultery on my other posts and read my intro again. Thought you're away till next year, how are you doing?

Anuoluwapo said...

Oshe baby, thanks for reading. Pls share

jan zizka said...

It was not meant to accuse,but to expose a reality....i just came to see if you were 'alive',good to see you alive and kickn....your "peeping tom".

jan zizka said...

Ya ,i am fine...please pray for me also.You and your nation will be in my prayers.God bless you.

Anuoluwapo said...

Thank You. Will do

Esquire said...

na wa oh. 78 Codes.. By the time i got to code 11, i slept off. Egbami! Ladies are unique oh! Kindly find below codes for Guys.......

sorry: NO CODE for GUYS.... Lol

We live very simple lives. LoL.

Anuoluwapo said...

Bro codes coming up

Eniwealth said...

Quiet hilarious I must admit. I once dated an old friend's ex whom I had lost contact with. She contacted me when she found out I was his new gf to give her blessings -which I didn't consider necessary at the time. It felt awkward for me even though I had no idea of their relationship while it lasted. Won't want to be in such situation ever again.

Anuoluwapo said...

LOL! She is a clown. Blessings as the guy's mom or grandmom? Lmao. If you didn't know they dated, she wasn't your friend