Wednesday, 16 July 2014

For the love of sons

I think it's very unrealistic to expect so much from men, to want them to be responsible when we don't teach them to be so. The girl child is disciplined and domesticated. The son is allowed to spend the day playing football with friends. He comes in in time for dinner. He eats and puts his dirty clothes in the laundry basket for his sister to sort out. The sister is always reminded of how she would end up in her husband's house. She is trained to be a dutiful wife and mommy. She has a curfew. She dare not be home after 5pm and dinner must be ready by 7pm. The parents are relaxed when it comes to raising their son. He is welcomed home by 5am, from the club, with breakfast (or last night's dinner). At least, he is better than Mrs Midnight's son that goes 2 weeks before returning home. He is allowed to bring female friends home and even take them to his room. "Allow him, thank God he isn't gay" mommy says. He gets tattoos, drinks excessively and keeps late night. Daddy says "He is just a boy, if he doesn't do them now, when would he?" He impregnates a girl and the girl is the cheap one. He is a boy and that's what boys do. Really?

Does the Bible say "Train up a DAUGHTER in a way she should go and when she is old, she won't depart from it?" It says train up a child! So why are you neglecting the boy child. Why is it bad but acceptable for a boy to be into yahoo, armed robbery and cultism but totally bad and unacceptable for a girl? What is good for the goose is good for the gander. What is good for the girl child is good for the boy child. Stop neglecting your son. If it is unacceptable for your daughter to get pregnant out of wedlock, it is totally unacceptable for your son to impregnate anyone. If your girl must be domesticated, so must your son. Why are daughters taught to be virgins and son told to enjoy their lives? If you train your daughters to be ready for their future, you should do same to your sons. You want your girls to marry well behaved men but you don't teach your sons. Yet you expect someone's daughter to marry your son.

Your daughter is domesticated, why isn't your son? Knowing how to cook or keep the home tidy benefits him and him alone. Women are career oriented now. They have something to bring to the board room. Some even work longer hours and earn more than their men. It makes a lot of sense to compromise and meet yourselves halfway. The era of dictating is long over. Wives are executive assistants and not slaves. So many men know how to cook now, even if it's just the basics.  I would pick a man that makes his meals and has a tidy apartment over a "fast food" man or a bachelor with a cook/housekeeper. Train your sons to honour and respect women. To help his wife as much as he can. That's a way to show appreciation for her care and support. A man who has learnt this won't rape or violate a woman in any way. Dear men, what better way to teach your sons than by example?

Women let's say no to big babies, men we have to "mother". Men who think it is beneath them to help around the house or make our lives easier. Just like men say no to ladies with no home training, say no to men with no home training. Let's train our sons in the way of God to be decent, useful to us and the society. To be the type of man we want for ourselves/our daughters. God help us. Amen.

Thank you for reading. Xoxo

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Its our world tho someone need not to be that spoilt plus u kn parents can nv b wit there children forever abi often so self discipline applies in here nw...nice one

Anonymous said...

Love this.. however, it feels like a thinly veiled case for gender equality.lol... I Personally, hate it wen parents layout different rules for their kids. I mean who says a boy shouldn't help his mum in the kitchen or do chores @ home cos he has a sister. I very much agree with u on the fact that the way a male child is raised will determine how he is in his relationship/marriage. Responsibilities starts from the home.

Anuoluwapo said...

Thank you

Anuoluwapo said...

If the parents can be there for the girls, they gotta be for there for the boys

Esquire said...

Great Piece. Its noteworthy for us as parents to really pay more attention on our sons. Just as the writer has said, it looks like parents arent doing so much in discipline and training in respect to our boys like we do to our girls. It means we need to do our bit so as not to loose them. As regards helping out in the kitchen and doing other household stuff, i strongly agree that our boys should have a fair share of training. it will help mould them better however we should also bear in mind that as the boys do that, they should not loose focus of other "manly" responsibilities at home. In my opinion the girls should pay more attention to kitchen and household chores. That does not mean the boy should not wash his clothes or keep his room clean or help out in the kitchen once in a while but there are some other. jobs his sister may not handle.

For example: I expect our sons to attend to duties like changing a flat tyre, take the car to the mechanics for servicing, cut the weeds in the surrounding, water the garden (flowers), attend to the generator, change dead bulbs, bath the dogs and feed them regularly, buy the cooking gas when its finished in the kitchen etc. we can fill in the blanks.

There is no how i expect my daughter to do those manly tasking jobs when i have a son in my house and i will not ask my son to cook dinner for me when i have a daughter. Pls get my drift. i did not say he should not learn or do it but let everyone know thier major roles and identify with them. Just as the first speaker said, lets be careful on how we place so much emphasis on boys doing those kitchen roles that they dont miss out on thier major roles. My daughters will not change flat tyre when i have a son oh. However the message of the article is passed. Lets ensure our sons grow up responsible.


Anuoluwapo said...

I think girls should know how to do things too like changing a tire or the bulb. We don't always have to call our partners to come sort the car issues or be a girl in distress. We should know how to do stuffs, as much as we can. If our partners or brothers are around, we can refuse to do it but if we are stranded, we can take care of ourselves and maybe say "No thank you, I can sort myself" to strangers

Eniwealth said...

I do not support differentiating roles based on gender, yet I wouldn't support relegating certain manly chores to girls and vice versa, getting to know these particular chores should be by chance. For instance, I change light bulbs without blinking, I can switch car batteries, wash cars and so on. All of these things I learnt by chance not by instigation.

Anuoluwapo said...

I love this. You being able to change your batteries and all. You're a "badass" chic. Recently, a sister had issues with her car battery and we were Just there, damsels in distress, at the mercy of random men. After doing plenty shakara, one helped us.

Ogbe Corleone said...

We were raised by my dad alone and I can assure you that we(boys and girls) learnt it all...from changing tyres, to sweeping the floor, to ironing, dishes...in fact u name it I did it. Twas much of a burden back then because sometimes all I wanted to do was just play. But now, I am happy I passed through all that. See the truth is when u talk of a dichotomy between chores for men and women I often wonder whether a man will get married immediately after gaining admission into the university? Since that would most likely not happen it means a man has to learn it all during the formative years. A lot of guys wear starched shirts but when u get to their houses u wonder whether they are at war...so unkempt. And this is principally because they vehemently believe they shouldn't be sweeping or arranging. Lol...I don't wantu talk plenty but I just feel a man should be able to do a bit of everything rather comfortably. I for one will do my best to raise my boys well and I believe with God on my side it's a straight shot amen

Anuoluwapo said...

Exactly! I wish I can switch batteries and bulbs like Eniwealth. Guess it's time to learn