Friday, 11 July 2014

Married woman syndrome

Someone asked me recently why being married doesn't shack me. I really don't see it as an achievement, it's something anyone can do. An achievement is having a PhD at 21. I am still very much myself. I don't understand the married "air" some ladies have. Some give their single friends the "I'm no more on your level" attitude. It just shows how unhappy they are and how much they need a ceremony to validate their lives. I met a 2015 bride that had the "inferiority" air. She isn't even married yet but couldn't let us rest. I couldn't help but LOL when I saw the look on her face after someone told her i'm 17months married. Some will not let our bbm rest with love, boyfriend and hubby talks. You're married so? Celebrate when you're 50years together, before then let's hear word. ‎


You marry at 18years and you become a "madam" overnight. It's still awkward when people ask "How is the family?" That's stuff old people say to themselves. What happened to how you referred to dh and I before the wedding? Dh and I ran into a "friendly" acquaintance. After getting a side hug, he went all "I'm so sorry. I forgot you're married." So married "babes" are not "side huggable?"

Some people will say you don't look married. So because I'm married I should be wearing ankara wrapper and blouse? Thou shalt not be shabby. Why should one become a mama in the name of marriage? That's what they call oja okunkun, he married a babe and found himself with a mama. No man wants a mama. As long as you're decent you're good to go. I don't see why you should change your dress sense because you're married. You should have been dressing decently prior to the wedding day.‎

If you've had an healthy lifestyle. You don't have to change yourself. Nobody should force you to change, you should change because you love him/her enough to want a change. Don't wait till you're married till you quit the beer parlour, club, womanising, red light districts, runs,... It is people who live unhealthy lifestyles that feel they are missing out when married.

Then you have to be friendless because you're now a Mrs? I'm a firm believer of few childhood friends. If they were good enough to be by your side before and during the ceremony, they better be good enough to remain there. You don't need to share confidential information but everyone needs a friend which you can find in a relative. The space for one's girlfriend is different from that of the Le boo. Some will even dump their single friends for new married friends. Very funny as men remain homies for life.

Some advisers of life would tell you not to mention him on social media, stalk his social media accounts, make his phone your bestie, share a bedroom, etc. Thou shalt not be paranoid, live a free happy life and do what rocks your boat. Spouses differ from family to family. What works to Mrs A may not work for Mrs B. 
Sharing a room for example usually has more pros than cons. If you however realise that you two have issues when you share a room and are happier when you have different rooms, please go for different rooms. I believe in personal space/retreats in marriage. A little time to yourself. You don't have to be in each other's face 24hours, 7days a week.‎

Thank you my darlings for reading. A fun post tomorrow? Love, Anuoluwapo.‎
Because you need to leave some space for the Holy Spirit
* Dh = Dear husband
 LOL = Laugh out loud
 Oja okunkun = black market/deception

12 comments:

Eniwealth said...

Anu! Anu!! Anu!!! How many times did I call you? You have nailed it again! I saw a post on this same topic on one of the blogs I follow recently and by the time I dropped my comment, I realized I had a written a post.
It is almost impossible to find a young married girl who wouldn't want to consciously make it known that she is now married and hence should be addressed as such. As if being married is a Forbes recognition.
Some automatically cut their single friends off as if being in contact with them would mean being infested with spinsterhood again. I've had very embarrassing experiences with ''friends'' who suddenly began to give me cold shoulders after their wedding appreciation messages.
Thank God for a few reasonable ones like you Anu.

Anonymous said...

Nice one dear,100percent right, although u find single ladies giving u space too coz dey already premeditated u not bn dere frends, it's all messed up sometimes Buh I rili do not see any difference sha.OLORILAW2

Anuoluwapo said...

I get the attitude too so I know. People that don't know me don't know i'm married. Being happily married is good but there is more to life.

Anuoluwapo said...

I guess those friends want to respect one but don't know how to. The good side is when one gets attended to quickly because one is married.

Anuoluwapo said...

Thank you Eniwealth and Olorilaw2

Esquire said...

Well, i get the message but i am also thinking that some ladies who got married see it as an achievement because they really may have gone through a lot before they got married. The level of excitement is different between a girl who got married at age 22 and a girl who got married at age 42. Pls even if the 42 year old lady wants to hang her hand in the air for the next one year for everyone to know she is married, pls lets oblige her. she may have been dumped and heart broken 26 times by 26 different men and finally at age 42 she gets married to the 27th guy.

I was privileged to see a few wedding pictures of our dear Barrister Anu. She looked so excited and i saw some shakara poses oh. i am sure some singe ladies that day may have been jealous saying stuff in thier mind. lol. Her wedding gown was lovely. i saw the way she walked with poise. Every step she took was as though she was flying in the air. LoL.

AM GOLD said...

I actually feel been married is a different status....

AM GOLD said...

I actually feel been married is a different status....

Anuoluwapo said...

Well, it is a different status but then, one doesn't need to be married to live a happy healthy life so they should quit feeling like the next "thing" to God. Also being married doesn't translate to being happy. Don't hurt your friends because you're now a Mrs.
Thank you Am Gold :*

Anuoluwapo said...

It's those friends that rally around one and take pics with d bride at every opportunity they get. It's normal for a bride to shine on her day. Can't take it? Sit at home. I didn't ask brides to stop shinning, I said be sensitive

Anonymous said...

I mean, why do we always think that women can't hold their own or differentiate btw wrong or right? Any sane married woman would know what she should change about herself without being told. One of the things I love about my wife while we were dating is the way she dresses, told her not to change it & she only made minor adjustments to it. She must however not ditch trousers. Another thing is everybody gets married at a point in their lives so I c no reasons y a she should ditch her friends just cos she's married and they ain't yet.

Anuoluwapo said...

What if wearing trousers is a sin? :D thank you