Wednesday, 23 July 2014

If only I had a baby

So someone messaged me asking for our advice. Like really? Hard to believe but super cool. I think she needs support and encouragement most of all. Here it is

Hello Anuoluwapo,
First of all, I totally LOVE your blog! It's so refreshing and different from gossip blogs. Real mature stuff on here. I don't get around to commenting but I'm addicted. You sound so young (like you know what's up) and so old (full of wisdom). Thank you.
I write to you because i'm unhappy and think I can get mature advice here. I've been married 6years and never been pregnant for a minute. I'm usually happy and happy for those who have babies. Recently, an unmarried friend recently got knocked up. She is so dear to my heart and I visit often. I know she likes that I visit but she favours another friend over me. She'll rather have that friend hold her baby and do stuff for her. Even her mum prefers the friend over me because she talks all about cleaning and cooking. Sorry, I don't see any reason talking about my home and being an ITK. I was so hurt by them yesterday. I put up a smile as always but I'm still hurt. If only I had a baby. What do I do?
Please hide my identity. Thank you.

Dear anon,
I'm sorry you feel that way. I really don't think you should take it personally. I'm glad you're happy for others. There are so many babies in heaven, so whoever gets a baby didn't take yours. Talk to a doctor while you patiently wait. I could think of four options on how to deal with your friend:

1. Forgive in advance and don't take to heart.
2. Reduce the frequency of your visits.
3. Stop visiting and be a friend from afar.
4. Speak with your friend about it, she may/may not mention to her mom. Possible outcomes?
(a) It may not be intentional and they stop doing what hurts you
(b) It may not be intentional but they start acting awkward.
(c) It may not be intentional and they do not care about how you feel.
(d) It may not be intentional and they think you're jealous or overly sensitive.
(e) It may be intentional, they are sorry and make adjustments.
(f) It may be intentional and they don't care.

Hopefully, you'll get advice from other readers. Remember Psalm 126:5? "Those who sow in tears will reap in joy." Thanks for your kind words *e-hugs* Maybe you could start commenting. I love you.
Thanks for reading, Kindly drop kind words/advice. Xoxo, Anuoluwapo.


Anonymous said...

Dear poster, Anu has given u very good advice. Focus ur energy on positives & don't take ur friend(s) behaviour to heart. Very soon u'll have cause to share ur testimony on this blog, just stay positive.

Anuoluwapo said...

Amen o! Please bring testimonies here. Thank you anon

Eniwealth said...

Oluwaposter, yes I called you Oluwaposter cos the Lord is very much on your side. Look for other things to be occupied with and visit less often. Your prayers will be answered soon, trust me!

Anuoluwapo said...

Amen! Thanks Eniwealth

Esquire said...

Dear Anon writer, Our Dearest Barrister has given good advise which i believe will help, however i have a little addition. As regards your state (nor being pregnant for a minute in 6yrs of marriage), i suggest the underfollowing:

1. Visit a Sound Doctor: Get to know if there are any medical challenges with you and your husband if any and follow solutions proffered.
2. Seek God's Face on this: I dont know if you are a christian but my bible says, There is nothing impossible with God to them that believe. Take it up spiritually, seeking God's intervention. There are many instances where doctors say, there is no way medically these couple would have kids but with God, its always a different result. You can take up scriptures and pray and fast with your husband periodically. You can seek prayers from your pastor.
3. Apart from just being happy and happy with people that have babies, you can take it a step further by sowing in the lives of those that have babies. E.g. Buy baby stuff and give them knowing that as you sow, you will definitely reap.

As regards, your friend's behaviour towards you just as Barrister has said, you can reduce your visits and apply other things she said. Pls do not take it personal. You know we are africans and a lot of terrible things happen (Nigeria in particular). The truth is that when someone gives birth, its not everyone that is truly and sincerely happy with you. They may show it outwardly but inside they may mean more harm than good, hence the reason for people to be careful. The bible says the heart of man is desperately wicked, who can know it?

I almost lost my second child to jealous and wicked people shortly after his dedication and a small thanksgiving party. (its a long story). But thank God for his mercies. God be with you. We expect your testimony.

Anonymous said...

I appreciate this Anu.
Oluwaposter, I like that, thanks Eniwealth.
Thanks Esquire. I do those already.

Anuoluwapo said...

Thank you sir

Anuoluwapo said...