Monday, 28 July 2014

Friendship sucks

Yes, friendship sucks when you have to walk on egg shells trying not to offend your friend. If you don't tell her "hey girl, you really messed up this time" or "you have to stop being stupid", who should? I don't even see why you should sugarcoat it. That's for acquaintances.

A friend messaged me sometime. He said I embarrassed him at prom and I couldn't remember. Apparently I saw him do something. My body used to be very hot then, I can imagine giving it to him real and hot. This is a friend I love so dearly and would never want to embarrass. You know what? He is now grateful I said something. Every other person might have had the same thoughts as I did but nobody spoke. Friends speak.

But then, people won't let you rest. You get angry too much, you don't mind your business, that's not how to speak to people, etc. I'm not saying be rude but please pass your message clearly without fear. Do not get into his business. Never! But you see your friend missing it, you have to let him know. Taking or ditching it is up to him. Hopefully, your friend will remember that you've always loved and had his back. He may not be pleased, truth is bitter you know? Remember the yoruba adage that says if two brothers come out smiling after having a serious conversation, they didn't tell each other the truth. Don't be upset if he doesn't take it smiling. You may react in a similar way if you were in his shoes.

Nowadays, I keep my opinions to myself because
(1) I'm not perfect. I feel I should remove the log in my eyes. I also do not want to come across as feeling I'm better or anything.
(2) The friend is an adult and knows better.
(3) I don't like when people give me unsolicited advice. I shouldn't dish it out.
(4) I don't expect anyone to get into my business or invade my privacy, even in the name of friendship. So I wait till I'm asked.

I saw a "danger" I felt a friend wasn't seeing. I explained to her. She was appreciative and then she went and did it, which didn't bother me, but now it's hard for her to get out. People who aren't in the "situation" as you are often have a clearer unbiased view. I do not believe in dictating to anyone, who isn't your minor ward. You just help them see clearly and maybe open up options. Decision making is
totally out of your job specifications.

A friend had been saying something. I say no to it but I'm sure she doesn't know i'm totally against it. She is an adult right? So I never said anything more. Recently she mentioned it again and I only said one thing very very nicely. I guess you can't just tell some people the truth, no matter how nicely you put it, without becoming an "hater." I didn't even say everything, yet she didn't like it. I'm sorry I upset her. I should have kept my mouth shut as usual and left her to her life. But that's not what friendship is about. It's about saying it clearly, whether she likes the sound or not. You owe your friend that. When your friend isn't doing well, you aren't.

Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut but then who will be truthful with me? I think it's better to be without friends than to be diplomatic with friends. Sheer waste of time, energy and resources. Thank you for reading bloghearts. I got nothing but love for you.

*My body used to be very hot then = I used to get pretty worked up







11 comments:

Anonymous said...

You rock girl

Anuoluwapo said...

Thank you

Anonymous said...

Good to know some people still understand the concept of friendship

Anuoluwapo said...

Thank you

Anonymous said...

Go gurl...really hot piece

Anonymous said...

Inbtw, trust ur God & ur guts when it comes to personal decisions. Nice piece Anu.

Anuoluwapo said...

Thank you

Anuoluwapo said...

Yes! Thank you

Eniwealth said...

You are a very simple person Anu, yes I can tell. In the past I used to go all the way to right a friends' wrong - like I once called a friends' mum and boyfriend to talk to her about her academics, she wasn't going to write project because she already knew she would be spilling(having an extra year) which eventually turned to two years. She was very mad at me, but I made sure she got to work and helped as much as I could even though I had mine to deal with.
Over time now, I stay out of peoples' businesses until when asked.

Anuoluwapo said...

Thanks bae. If you felt talking to her people would do the magic by all means you should. That's friendship. Most people don't want it though. They won't let us hear word "people are fake" yet they don't want "us" to be real

Anonymous said...

Nice piece