Thursday, 10 July 2014

Women: We're our own enemy

Yes, we're our own enemy! No lady wants a cheating man, yet men cheat. Are they cheating with their ancestors? We're the ones tearing marriages up, becoming second wives, pimping girls to men, encouraging men to mistreat their spouses,... Why do we hear more of "boyfriend/husband snatcher" than "girlfriend/wife snatcher?"

Bringing each other down is our hobby. A guy would ask to be introduced to our friend and we go "Her makeup is terrible", "She wears fake things", "She has such a nasty attitude", "You don't know her? Instagram whore 1". We never hear another lady's gist and stand to her defence. Even if we can't confidently say she isn't that bad, we should be able to say "Don't you have sisters? You don't talk about a lady like that", or "She has to have a good side."

Our brothers bring a million babes home forming "meet my family".  Instead of asking "girl are you dumb? Why are you wasting your time with him?", we smile as we call her "our wife" but mutter "fool" under our breath. Men watch out for each other. Why can't we do same? Oh, I know a mom that asked her son's babe if she knows what she was getting herself into. God bless her.

Men that rape/ use and dump a girl often time enlist the help of other ladies, which may include her "friend". How do you sleep at night after perpetrating such wickedness against a fellow woman?

Mr A bares his mind to Mr B. Mr B helps him through the pain as much as he can and that's the end of it. Miss Y bares her mind to Miss Z. Miss Z helps her through the pain, checks on her and makes sure she is okay. She however ensures to help pass the information to Miss P, Mrs O and Mr T. That's how the gist gets to City people and Linda Ikeji. Men gossip among themselves but it takes so long for them to give us the gist. A lady on the other hand hears a gist (or their friend confides in her) and she can't wait to get through the door before downloading the gist to their partners (Later you wonder why your bobo is cold towards your babe. He knows too much and can't forget, that's why). And then they "innocently" (or out of malice) mention to other female friends. If I want Ronke to know, I can tell her myself, you know?

Two friends would fight and start talking about how the other's ancestor slept with a guy. They bring up irrelevant 2year old talks. What should we do with that? She said you disrespected her bobo, you're saying she slept with Teju's ex. Kindly grow up. You don't deserve that much drama in your life. How would you start apologising when you "kiss and makeup."

No one in her right senses would tear anyone down, talk less a friend. 3 friends would sit down and table the 4th friend's matter. When Friend 2 isn't around, she is quickly replaced by Friend 4 and extensively discussed. It's very bad. You're frenemies! We should build ourselves and not tear each other apart. Chastise her indoors. All corrections should be constructive and in love. She shouldn't be on the headlines.

Men would quickly find excuses for their friends or fellow men but we will even chook mouth and be talking gibberish. We go out of our way to make the situation worse. We need to realise that life isn't a competition. If we have to compete, it should be against the men. Becoming professionals, doing what was stereotyped as a man's thing. But really, life isn't a competition. We all live personalised lives.

A lot of ladies pray against female bosses, having to speak with a lady for small favours or bargaining with a lady. I know we're strong but let's stop being unkind to each other. Nobody can feel a lady's pain like another lady. Where is the feminist promise of solidarity? Why can't one be relaxed just because there is a lady in the panel interviewing her? I'm not saying do a wrong to favour a sister. I'm saying, help a sister whenever you reasonably can. When a lady is doing well, encourage her. If she is having troubles, support her. There will always be a lady better than you at something, you can as well get rid of the jealousy and put a stop to misogyny. Be a sister's keeper.

Thanks for reading. We'll talk extensively about female bosses and moms in law soon. I'm also looking at bringing something new and different. Yes, you can be excited. See you tomorrow. Kisses


dee said...

I like. Very true. Let love reign.

Anuoluwapo said...

I think I know who Dee is. Thanks love :*

Eniwealth said...

I love! I've been observing the exact same thing for a while now. You go to the bank and all the female tellers are giving you attitude for no reason. In the salon, you find girls in groups bringing another lady down. The issue of ''I heard you said'', ''they said you were there when they said'' was very rampant back at Uni in the girls hostels. It's just so sad.
I must admit I have been guilty of the exact same attitude at a point in my life but thank God I was fast to arrest myself earlier on in life and desist from all forms of negative attitude to my fellow women. I now make it a point of duty to give compliments to strange women I meet everyday, I tell a beautiful woman she is beautiful if I think she is, compliment nice hair, shoes, handbags and so on.
Enough with the negativity!

Amusu Mobolaji said...

You just said it the way it is. Ladies will look another lady and just judge. You do not even know this person and you hate them already. We ladies are our own greatest enemy. Thanks for this post Anu. God bless you

don said...

Yea, let she who has ears hear what Anu is saying to the women's folk.

Anuoluwapo said...

Ahah babe, are u in my mind or am I the one in your mind? I try to compliment too now.

Anuoluwapo said...

Bless you too dear.

Anuoluwapo said...

Lol! Thank you